Reggie Bibeau and Cheryl Bibeau: Bibeau wonder-siblings decide to open up a fashion parlour due to their sick flow.

Laurent Pro-Jour: Choosing to follow his beard rather than his heart, Pro-Jour decides to forgo his NFL career and promising medical career to lead the McGill Woodsmen to a four decade stranglehold on the Woodsmen Championship.

Harmony Daoust: Having acquired a taste for gold, Daoust decides to pursue a career in mining investments, specifically avoiding companies that mine silver or bronze.

Ossie Short: Lax slang enthusiast Ossie Short announces plans to stop using words in the english dictionary by 2015.

Coach Dennis Parrot: Taking matters into his own hands, Parrot enrolls in a PhD program and joins the McGill cross-country team after a lacklustre recruiting season.

This story is a work of satire and appeared as part of our April Fools Issue 2014.