New class on cannabis to be taught by Ontario hash lord Doug Ford

Recreational marijuana is set to be legalized in Canada this summer, and not only are more people rolling fatties, but schools throughout Canada, such as Durham College and Niagara College, are offering classes focused on cannabis. As a result, McGill Principal Suzie Porpier recently announced that in the Fall 2018 semester, the Arts department will be offering just such a course.

“We’re extremely excited to be offering a comprehensive marijuana education class for our students who were total nerds in high school and never learned how to smoke on their own,” Porpier said.

Interested students in the coming months will be able to add AGRO 420: Cannabis Culture: An Introduction to Dank to their Minerva course lists.

What separates McGill’s approach to marijuana education is that rather than focus on marketing strategies or business tactics, AGRO 420 will focus on proper usage techniques, cannabis culture, and stoner identification. The course will be taught by the illustrious leader of the Progressive Conservative Party of Ontario himself, Douglas Ford. Ford is particularly qualified to teach the class, due to his previous career as an Ontario hash dealer. In an interview with The McGill Tribune, Ford outlined some of the specifics of the course work and class structure.

“Students will learn how to make a gravity bong out of only a cooking pot and an empty wine bottle, stoner style standards such as huf socks and thrasher hoodies, and how to delineate between ‘Gas,’ ‘Mid,’ and ‘that reggie,’” Ford said. “Students will also be instructed on other cannabis-related terminology, like ‘ripped,’ and ‘stoned,’ and how to properly respond when someone says, ‘Yo dude it’s already been an hour, this edible isn’t working, I’m taking another.’”

Ford further explained AGRO 420’s hands-on approach to learning. A good portion of the class will be devoted to proper rolling techniques, covering joints—both king size and regular—as well as a variety of blunt wraps of different brands. The course will feature a special guest lecture from University of Colorado Professor Nicholas Fern, on the rolling of backwoods blunts. Furthermore, the class’ final exams will be marked collectively, pass or fail. Students will be assessed on their ability to effectively hotbox the entirety of Leacock 132 within the given time period.

McGill administration and faculty are extremely excited about this opportunity to offer students real life skills, such as finally being able to answer affirmatively to the age-old question “Can someone make a bowl out of this apple?”

“Once the class registration opens up, I might even kick-back and light up a fat doink myself to celebrate,” Porpier said. “We’re extremely excited to have such a prominent and world-renowned individual in the field teaching the class.”

In the meantime, students will continue to prepare with rigorous extracurricular coursework, hunkering down in their dorms, rather than Redpath or Schulich, to study for this particular class.


This article is a work of satire and is part of the Tribune’s 2018 Joke Issue.

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One Comment

  1. LOL funny I guess. But we have two new dope dealers who will far surpass anything Ford is alleged to have done.

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