Laughing Matters, Opinion

How to deal with noisy library-goers


u/deskaquatic: “You can’t make this up” 

u/lolakitty: “If it’s been said once, it’s been said a thousand times?” 

u/ragingpoeti: “STFU on the quiet floors of McLennan” 

Let’s set the scene. 

It’s midterm season. Your four professors convened and decided that the best course of action would be to assign six assessments due next week. You’re struggling to get them finished, so you decide to take advantage of the recently established 24/7 hours at the McLennan-Redpath library complex. 

You’ve been avoiding the sun, having been in the library all day, every day, for the past week. You can barely remember what it feels like to sit on a comfortable chair, and have lost count of how many coffees you’ve chugged today. But it’s okay, because all your friends are in the same boat. You band together to motivate each other and create perfect cramming conditions. 

Except, wherever you settle, there’s a group of students who can’t possibly know where they are: The library. They’re catching everyone, and you do mean everyone, up on the latest gossip. Can you believe Chad was practically on his knees begging for another chance this weekend, but he hasn’t texted Brittany since…. What about Stephanie, you should’ve asked me to crash somewhere else and you could’ve had the place to yourself, I bet she would have….SHHHHHH. Here comes Brandon and his band of brothers comparing notes from their various escapades. You might need to brush up on your anatomy, but do it quietly, buddy. Really, this isn’t a laughing matter! 

It’s been 10 minutes and you can hear them through the lo-fi mix coming through on your AirPods. They’re ruining all the concentration-enhancing abilities of lo-fi girl! You regret not splurging for the noise cancelling ones. 

“We’re working on a group project,” they sneer at your plea.

You can’t take it.  

“Well, your boyfriend’s a jerk and the rest of us think you should get a room. Literally! Reserve a room and be as loud as you want in there.”

Can’t they just let the rest of us be bitter and boring, surrounded by the comforting brutalist walls of McLennan?

But put yourself in their shoes. Why does the library need so many talking floors? It’s the perfect gathering spot—if people need quiet, they can go to a different spot anyways! There’s never any space on the floors where talking is allowed. 

Empathy doesn’t work: You’re furious. You see the security guards patrolling the floor and not saying a word. The same security guards who last year yelled at you if your water bottle wasn’t touching your mouth for the entirety of the time your mask was down. You want to scream. Tell him to use his expansive powers for good and kick them out! At least escort them to one of the talking floors. You’re seeing red and imagine the security guard eating them. Was it in Percy Jackson when the teacher became a raging, flying Fury? We should hire them for McLennan. Maybe the talkers would listen to ominous “offenders will be eaten” signs. 

You hear the library announcement reminding people to keep it down, but all you really hear is details about so-and-so’s frustrating professor and so-and-so’s disgusting roommate. It’s hell. 

Finally, after you sigh, stare, grumble, and even point in their direction, they’re packing their things up to leave. Making their way to the door, talking about how they just have to be at Gerts tonight. Are they actually leaving? It can’t be, right? But, they’ve picked up their bags, so….

Wait, don’t leave! What will anyone post about on Reddit? You’re sorry; you didn’t mean it. Your studies aren’t that important. Please! 

They’re gone. What were you working on again? Math or an essay? You’ll have to actually do it now. Go on now, good luck. Be at peace, in the quiet, with your own thoughts. 

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