I’ve decided to go on holiday to the Opinion section this week. I would have preferred Barbados or Mexico, but alas, no flights. Normally I write restaurant reviews in the Student Life section, which is awfully fun. But this week, I’m reviewing your hot takes on campus. 

Let’s not overthink this. For a take to be hot, it just needs to be controversial. Plain and simple, at least when you first hear it. Extra points if you make me laugh and minus points if you try too hard. Trying too hard is inherently unfunny, plus no one likes a try-hard. I’ll also comment on how accurate it is as well. The sweet spot, and I’m doubtful we will find this in the first go, is a take which makes you go something like: “Have you gone mental…wait a minute, that’s brilliant.” So, without further ado, what’s the T?

“No amount of finance bro money can save you from the amount of therapy you will need.” 

Very funny. I’m glad you got that off your chest. Is this a hot take? Or did you just get your heart broken by a finance bro? The funny thing about finance bros at McGill is they’re not even proper finance bros yet—they’re wannabe finance bros, still under parental supervision with their pacifiers in, which is even funnier. They want to be taken seriously, like they’re important and busy, but really they can’t even get their balance sheets balancing properly yet. 

It’s probably unfair to assume every wannabe finance bro will end up like Christian Bale in American Psycho. And finance bros do get the brunt of the jokes, so this take is not particularly hot, nor funny. 

Now here’s a question: Who do you dislike more between finance bros and frat boys? Easy— frat boys, every day of the week. Frat boys are the backwash of the McGill community. Sorry finance bros, I know you love a case comp. 

Hotness-barometer: 1/5

Accuracy: 2.5/5

“We should be able to smoke in front of McLennan.”

So, bear in mind most people who loiter outside McLennan have probably been struck with this inspiration at least once—it’s probably a stretch to say this is a hot take. And, frankly, no, you shouldn’t. If everyone was allowed to smoke outside McLennan, it’d be a puffing orgy! 

Hotness-barometer: 2/5 

Accuracy: 2/5

“Wearing a backpack is so embarrassing, please invest in a different bag”

Oh, you definitely carry a tote bag. And let me guess, you thrifted it. I guess this take is beginning to turn up the heat, I’ll give you that. I wear a backpack, or a rucksack as I like to call it. And what can I say: They’re so wonderfully ergonomic and easy to carry. What’s so embarrassing about that? Okay, maybe I do sound like a loser when I say it like that. There is, however, one small problem with your take: Only sorority girls and finance bros believe in it. And having an opinion that aligns with them? Now that’s embarrassing. 

Hotness-barometer: 4/5

Accuracy: 2/5

“You can definitely trust the person next to you to look after your stuff.”

If this is sarcastic then this is utterly brilliant. What’s that? You’re being serious? Really? Oh no. Well, this is barely a take then. It’s McGill after all, everyone’s squeaky clean here. That being said, I bloody well hope this take is true because I’ve left my stuff to grab a Kit Kat. 

Do watch out though if you’re next to someone with a Concordia laptop sticker. Before you know it, you’ll be in a bidding war for your own laptop on Ebay.