Warning: The following column is written with a heterosexual audience in mind (which is something I wouldn’t normally do), but generally I think the queer community is much more open to the joys of oral sex and doesn’t need a talking to on the subject.

Why has performing oral sex become a derogatory thing? Why do the media, music industry and porn (okay, bad example) make it out to be all about power for the person receiving it?

I think it’s about power for the person giving oral sex. In that moment they are completely controlling their partner’s pleasure-in that moment they own their partner.

Sorry, but whoever thought “I know, I’ll make oral sex seem demeaning to give,” is stupid. I’m a big fan of oral sex, and would like to do nothing to discourage those who would like to perform it on me. Making it seem demeaning does just that-boo-urns!

For example, why is “suck it” an insult? Are men really that stupid that they decided to make it degrading for women-or anyone, as this is often said in a homophobic fashion-to give them such pleasure. Why on Earth would they do such a thing?

Why would men shy away from doing something that brings their female partners so much pleasure? Is it because they worry about losing power in the relationship or feeling inferior? Again, this is stupid. Being so completely in control should make them feel, if anything, superior. Satisfying one’s partner should be a win-win for both parties, not a bizarre power struggle.

Why has there been a debasement of oral sex in popular culture? Is it a homophobic reaction to a practice that is strongly associated with the queer community? Is it part of the traditionalist backlash against feminism? Is it simply an unintended result of wanting to use clever quips like “blow my whistle, bitch?” Regardless of the reason, the outcome is a no-win situation.

Some might argue that performing fellatio or cunnilingus is just plain disgusting. Fair enough, but if you think about it, so is sex; all those bodily fluids mingling and all the sweat-inducing friction-eww.

You may say, “but Jesse, that’s not in my mouth”. That’s true, but have you seen some of the food we eat today? Aerosol cheese, grease-laden freeze-dried fast food hamburgers and deep-fried everything, at least ejaculate is all-natural.

In fact, I’ve heard of several women who find the idea of cunnilingus so disgusting that they do not even like having it performed on them. Although I find this hard to believe, I have heard it from several sources. Excuse me for being cynical, but I can’t help but wonder whether this is really an indicator of something else.

Perhaps it’s a manifestation of society’s subtle messages that women should feel badly about their bodies and their sexuality. It could also be the-rather bizarre, in my humble opinion-preferences of a few women, or maybe their partners are just so bad that they came up with this lie rather than providing a little re-education.

If you do genuinely find oral sex disgusting, that’s fine (well, maybe not for your partner, but that’s another story). I’m not saying everyone has to be an oral sex-loving fiend. My point is that it shouldn’t be something that makes the giver feel demeaned. It should be something freely enjoyed by everyone, not a subject for misogynistic rap songs like 50 Cent’s “Candy shop.”