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News

David Suzuki discusses his legacy in lecture at McGill

by Maria Flores on

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Anna Bock

David Suzuki, the famed Canadian author and environmentalist, was welcomed by the McGill Bookstore last Tuesday. With the release of his newest book The Legacy: An Elder’s Vision for our Sustainable Future, the author addressed an eager McGill audience in a full Pollack Hall, presenting what he referred to as “a lifetime of thought distilled into a one-hour lecture.”

“It’s his legacy project, and it’s probably one of his final projects,” said Anna Stein, events administrator of the McGill Bookstore. “He is getting older and he is recognizing that and so it’s his big push to pass it on to the youth.”

To set the right mood, Suzuki began his lecture by taking the audience on an imaginary journey to four billion years ago, when the Earth was unsuitable for life. He stressed that the human race today has a large ecological footprint, due to the vast amount of resources needed to sustain an exponentially growing population, as well as our increased appetite for “stuff,” which has led to an ever increasing consumer culture.

“We have become cut off from the world that keeps us alive,” Suzuki said. “We forget that the word economics comes from the same group word as the word ecology … which means home.”

This way of thinking, Suzuki said, has led to value economy over ecology, an unsustainable idea in a world constrained by the laws of nature.

“We depend for our very survival on ecosystem services, but economists are so smart they figure we don’t need that,” he said. “They’re not even in the economic equation. They refer to them as an externality.”

Suzuki argued that the 2008 economic recession was a wasted opportunity to change the direction of the economy. Instead, trillions of dollars were injected back into the system that led to the recession in the first place.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result,” said Suzuki.

As the night proceeded, Suzuki moved on to climate change and the federal government’s inaction on the issue.

Stephen Harper’s government, Suzuki said, has decided to focus on the economy, and has failed to act on climate change. He used the example of Sweden, a country that has managed to reduce greenhouse gas emissions to 8 per cent below 1990 levels and at the same time achieve an economic growth of 44 per cent over the same period of time, to demonstrate that the two targets are not mutually exclusive.

“Our prime minister for more than four years has said there’s no way we are going to act on climate change […] because it will ruin the economy,” Suzuki said, “How dare you tell us that? It’s time to put the ecology back into the economics.”

As the talk progressed, Suzuki said that the exponential growth of the human population, coupled with the ever-present desire for growth in a fixed biosphere, is leading humanity on a “suicidal path.”

“The only two systems that think they can grow forever are cancer cells and economists,” he said, adding a little humour to his lecture.

Suzuki, 74, also took the lecture as an opportunity to reflect on his legacy.

“We’ve gone off on this weird tangent to think that stuff is what makes us happy, [but] the most important things in life have to do with people and the things that we share and do together,” he said.

“At this stage in my life, whatever governments, corporations do or do not do will have very little impact on my life,” he continued. “But what corporations and governments and society does or does not do will reverberate through the entire life of our children and grandchildren.”

After the talk, a question-and-answer period followed. Befitting Suzuki’s desire to pass on his knowledge, a 12-year-old boy asked the final question.

“It’s amazing to see he’s doing this decades after and still going strong, and it’s an inspiration more than anything, that you can’t let anything let you down,” said Ana Vadeanu, a U3 Environment student who attended the talk.

“We’ve partied as if there’s no tomorrow, and we’ve forgotten to think about future generations,” Suzuki said. “Well, the party is over, it’s time to silver up, and clean up our mess and work towards a future that we can imagine into being. We’ve done it in the past, we can do it in the future, all it takes is the vision and the will to do it.”

News

Engineers ban QPIRG from booking tables for one year

by Zach Connerty-Marin on

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The Engineering Undergraduate Society Council banned the Quebec Public Interest Research Group from using its resources for up to one year at their meeting last Tuesday.

The ban will prevent QPIRG from booking table space in any engineering building on campus.

The ruling followed last week’s incident between members of QPIRG and the QPIRG Opt-Out Campaign, a campus group that encourages undergraduates to opt-out of paying QPIRG’s $3.75-per-semester fee. According to the QPIRG Opt-Out campaign, QPIRG supporters allegedly attempted to prevent Opt-Out Campaign members from distributing their fliers, which resulted in Opt-Out members calling McGill Security.

But Rae Dooley, a member of the QPIRG Board of Directors, said the situation wasn’t enitrely one-sided. Members of QPIRG alleged that Jess Wieser, leader of the Opt-Out Campaign grabbed Maddie Ritts a QPIRG board member.

“We weren’t the only people being confrontational in that environment,” Dooley said. “Our students could have just as much called security.”

Allan Cyril, vice president internal of the EUS, said that although QPIRG could have also acted in formal avenues at the time of the incident, they did not.

“QPIRG didn’t call security and didn’t make a complaint to us at the time,” he said.

The EUS Council responded by passing the ban last Wednesday, citing concerns about how the incident reflects on their ability to manage table bookings in Engineering buildings.

“We have to show we are responsibly administering [our resources], or there’s a risk we might lose those privileges in the future,” Cyril said.

Dooley lamented that QPIRG was banned because of last week’s event but said that “[QPIRG is] in an open dialogue with EUS and we are interested in working with them, reaching out to more Engineering students, and hopefully over the next year we will gain that ability back.”

QPIRG and the EUS met on September 27 to discuss scheduling a moderated discussion between QPIRG and the Opt-Out Campaign. However, QPIRG requested that the EUS wait at least a week before holding the session in order  to allow tempers to cool. The EUS has also considered bringing in an outside mediator.

The proposed session between QPIRG and the Opt-Out Campaign would facilitate discussion on the proper handling of issues between conflicting interest groups, especially in the context of using EUS facilities.

 “We are trying to speak to QPIRG Opt-Out,” Dooley said. “We are trying to make sure events like that don’t happen in the future.”

Dooley also expressed concern regarding how the incident is being “sensationalized.” She said QPIRG is trying to move on and that their “major concerns are running QPIRG right now and challenging the entire opt-out system.”

According to its website, QPIRG is an organization that “conducts research, education, and action on environmental and social justice issues at McGill University and in the Montreal community.” According to a press release, QPIRG Opt-Out argues that QPIRG has “grossly violated their mandate, funding organizations whose basic principles are opposed to those of McGill students” and therefore informs students how to opt out of the organization.

Sports

MLB heats up as weather cools

by Walter Kitchens, Gabe Pulver, and Adam Sadinsky on

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Leaves are changing colours, the air is crisp, and the days are getting shorter—it must be time for the MLB playoffs. Only fools would bet on baseball in October, but we’ll take a stab at predicting it.

A.L. Divisional Series

Rays vs. Rangers­­—The Texas Rangers (90-72) are one of only three teams tthat have never made it to the World Series. Cliff Lee leads a strong pitching rotation of C.J Wilson, Tommy Hunter and Colby Lewis, but he’s the only one with significant playoff experience. The Rays’ David Price, Matt Garza, James Shields, Wade Davis and Jeff Niemann form arguably the deepest pitching staff in the post-season. Rangers MVP candidate Josh Hamilton looks to return to a potent lineup that includes Vladimir Guerrero and Michael Young. Evan Longoria is looking to return and help a struggling Rays batting lineup that is led by Carl Crawford. Ultimately, whoever is healthier should win this matchup. While the Rangers are excited to return to the playoffs, the Rays’ great pitching depth, excellent defence and ability to manufacture runs will result in a hard fought win. Tampa Bay in 5.

Yankees vs. Twins—The Minnesota Twins had an incredible stretch in August and September but will be missing Canadian slugger Justin Morneau for this series. The injury leaves the Minnesota offence with little depth behind last year’s MVP Joe Mauer. Delmon Young, Jim Thome, and Michael Cuddyer need to step up if the Twins are to compete with the Bronx Bombers. Twins ace, Francisco Liriano, leads an unproven rotation of Carl Pavano, Kevin Slowey, and Scott Baker. They might have trouble against New York’s lineup, which is easily the best in baseball. Though the Yankees’ pitching rotation looks very shaky behind Cy Young frontrunner C.C. Sabathia (21-7, 3.18 ERA), the Mariano Rivera-led bullpen should be able to hold enough leads to beat the Twins despite not having home field advantage. New York in 4.

—Walker Kitchens

N.L. Divisional Series

Phillies vs. Reds—The Phillies are absolutely the team to beat. Roy Halladay’s finally pitching in the playoffs, but he’s already logged 250 innings this season. Can his arm hold up? The whole team could get tired; no regular is under 30 years old. With a suspect bullpen after Brad Lidge, and the wicked Cincinnati lineup featuring the terrifying duo of Jay Bruce and Joey Votto, late-inning drama is guaranteed in this classic pitching-hitting matchup. Cincy has the best offence in the N.L., and if anyone can get to the Phillies aces, it’s them. Plus, their playoff rotation of Edinson Volquez-Bronson Arroyo-Johnny Cueto finished the season strong, and could keep them in every game. Still, Phillies in 4.

 Braves vs. Giants—The Braves won’t go down easily in Bobby Cox’s last season, although they limped into the playoffs, going 14-16 over their final 30 games. Against playoff pitching their hitting might not be consistent enough to win. Unfortunately for the Braves, the Giants have two legit aces at the front of their rotation. If pitching wins championships, Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain could take the Giants far. But which Giants will hit Tommy Hanson and Tim Hudson? Their best hitter is a rookie catcher who’s never played this far into a season. Don’t forget about the Hinske effect: utility man Eric Hinske is in the playoffs for the fourth straight year with a fourth different team. The past three won the pennant. Braves in 5.

—Gabe Pulver

The Big Picture

   The Yankees and Rays should hook up in the ALCS. The series will be tight but Joe Maddon’s rotation will be enough to get the Rays to their second World Series.

 On the Senior Circuit, the Phillies and Braves will lock horns in the NLCS. Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels and Roy Oswalt should neutralize Jason Heyward and the upstart Braves to secure the Phillies’ third straight pennant.

 In a rematch of the 2008 World Series, the Phillies and Rays will give us a duel for the ages. Two outstanding pitching staffs will go up against two high-powered offences. Something’s got to give. Look for these more mature Rays to avenge their loss from two years ago and win their first-ever World Series.

—Adam Sadinsky

Opinion

How to Get Rid of a Campus Group

by Christian Scott Martone on

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McGill Tribune

1) Chose a group with an opt-outable funding system (these groups are usually “progressive”, e.g. QPIRG)

2) Coordinate a mass-flyer campaign with a catchy slogan like “save some money” detailing how to opt-out of their fee.

3)  Don’t provide any info about the organization (if you do, it must be misleading and/or exaggerating the “extremist” elements of the organization.)

By the time you read this, QPIRG McGill has already lost a big chunk of funding thanks to the misleading and manipulative campaign led by Conservative McGill and other groups. If you opted-out of QPIRG’s $3.75 per semester fee knowing what QPIRG does, then I can’t debate your decision (and your right to choose what student groups you fund). But if you didn’t know what QPIRG does, I invite you to visit the website (qpirgmcgill.org) so that next year you can make an informed decision.

The funny (or sad) thing about the QPIRG Opt-Out Campaign is that the same arguments they use could be used against them. Not everyone agrees with Conservative McGill’s activities or ideals. They don’t represent “most” McGillians, and they are still receiving funding from our student fees. And you know what, dear reader? We don’t have the option to opt-out from Conservative McGill. If QPIRG is on the “extreme left” (according to Conservative McGill), then it would be logical to assume that they are on the “extreme right.” Both groups are equally non-representative of the student body.

Conservative McGill is not alone. Last week’s front cover of the Tribune showed a photo with the instructions of how to opt-out from QPIRG, not a very neutral action from an “objective” paper during such a sensitive “campaign.” But wait! The Tribune is known to be the conservative paper on campus, my bad! On that same issue, the article reporting on the “altercations” between the QPIRG Opt-Out Campaign and QPIRG members and allies was not accurate. I was there: Students were never obstructed from accessing Opt-Out’s table and the only thing we did was to talk, one-on-one, with the people that had received a flyer from them—we were not giving flyers. The article doesn’t mention the intimidation we received from McGill Security, but that’s another story.

This is not a matter of money or ideology, but a matter of the diversity of voices at our university. Even though I don’t agree with conservative ideals, I’m glad they’re around. As Voltaire reportedly said: “I might not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Sadly, Conservative McGill doesn’t think the same way.

Congratulations, Conservative McGill: your campaign successfully provided a false image of QPIRG, inciting students to opt-out en masse. You have provided an excellent case study in manipulative campaigning. I also congratulate the people that opted-out without knowing what our organization does: your ignorance has debilitated QPIRG, a very creative and active student organization on campus. I don’t know how saving $3.75 per term alone will make up for the lost conferences, student-research projects (some with stipends), Rad Frosh, movie screenings, urban gardening, environmentalist events, and so on.

Christian Scott Martone is a U3 Sociology and IDS student, [email protected].

Editorial, Opinion

Boycott should be more steak, less sizzle

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McGill Tribune

In response to the closure of the Architecture Café, the Students Society of McGill University Council passed a resolution last Thursday in support of boycotting all campus food locations owned by McGill Food and Dining Services until the administration proves more willing to engage in student consultation. While the Tribune applauds the spirit of this motion, we are worried that it may be both misdirected and ineffective. Instead, SSMU should consider supplementing this sort of negative action with an increase in positive ones.

Several councillors raised important concerns regarding the boycott’s efficacy. For one thing, it may not be as direct as it appears. The primary target is not McGill—which profits little from their food sales—but Aramark, the company that has an exclusive contract to provide McGill’s food. Even if, as one councillor noted, few students lose sleep over cutting into the profits of a large corporation, we are wary of endorsing a boycott directed at the wrong target. That’s not grassroots democracy—it’s mob populism.

We are also worried about the boycott’s effectiveness. Aramark is a multinational corporation with annual revenue exceeding $12 billion.  Moreover, the majority of its ordinary McGill customers are first-year students in residence, for whom it is impractical to boycott, and prepaid meal plan users, whose money Aramark already has—two groups which are exempt from the SSMU resolution anyway. Should the rest of us commit to the boycott, there is only a small chance that our efforts will cause a financial loss significant enough that Aramark will approach the McGill administration about re-opening the Architecture Café. The lost business may be but a dent for the company. In the unlikely event it does cause a major decline in business, the people who will feel the most pressure will probably be the food services employees, who have done nothing wrong.

Despite these concerns, if a cause is right then it is worth pursuing even if there are doubts about its feasibility. This is one of those causes. Even if neither Aramark nor Food and Dining Services nor the McGill administration feel any negative effects from a boycott, the places to which business is diverted will surely feel the benefits. Places like AUS Snax have already seen increases in sales. Despite Deputy Provost (Student Life and Learning)Morton Mendelson’s claim that the Architecture Café was financially untenable, and that McGill isn’t in the business of subsidizing student lunches, the university’s own Food and Dining Services seems only able to sustain itself through monopolistic business practices.  A boycott of Aramark may also serve as an expression of widespread campus support for small, student-run food services, and indicate that that is where demand would flow were it not coerced by the university into other channels.

The boycott is a good idea that may have some tangible rewards for certain small groups.Ultimately, though, the Tribune would like to see more of a positive effort from SSMU, rather than merely passive support for a negative strategy. We recognize and applaud executives’ continued efforts to address this in direct talks with the administration. However, we feel that more visible displays would provide a more valuable catharsis for impassioned students. Alternative coffee stands run by SSMU, for instance, would be a more convincing argument against Tim Hortons than just saying, “Don’t go.” There must also be more attempts to show the administration directly—rather than via Aramark—that students are still fuming over the lack of consultation in the decision to close the Architecture Café.  Finally, if SSMU is truly interested in promoting student-run food services, it needs to literally put its money where its mouth is. Its second floor cafeteria tenants’ contracts are coming up for renewal this year, which is a perfect opportunity for SSMU to tangibly demonstrate its  support for the idea of student consultation and student-run food services. If they truly believe in the principles they claim to be supporting, SSMU should hold forums and consider leasing to students before asking the administration to do the same. If they do not—if they decide that student businesses are not even suitable tenants for the Shatner Building—then it will be hard not to sympathize with the administration in thinking our representatives, and the boycott they support, might be full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Editorial, Opinion

EUS ban of QPIRG a hasty overreaction

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McGill Tribune

At their council meeting on Tuesday, the Engineering Undergraduate Society banned the Quebec Public Interest Research Group from using any promotional tables in the McConnell Engineering Building for one year. This ban came in response to the September 23 confrontation between QPIRG and the QPIRG Opt-Out Campaign, which resulted in torn flyers and an allegation about the improper use of physical restraint by an Opt-Out member. It is understandable that EUS wants to ensure there are no further disturbances within its jurisdiction. The Tribune wouldn’t want outside groups causing trouble in our office. However, while EUS acted within their rights by passing the motion, the yearlong ban appears to be both somewhat presumptuous, given the differing accounts of what exactly happened, and an overreaction, as nobody was actually physically hurt.

We don’t want to exaggerate the importance of either what transpired in September or the EUS tabling ban. It is after all only for a year (or less, if EUS deems that the issues between the two groups have been resolved), and QPIRG will not collapse just because it cannot promote itself in one specific building.

But we find it strange that EUS chose to only ban QPIRG from tabling, without regard for any role members of the Opt-Out Campaign may have played in the escalation of the conflict. Because each side has its own story of what took place, and its own witnesses to corroborate their version, it would have been more appropriate for the EUS to ban both groups, rather than to pick only one to blame and punish. In any event, the Tribune feels that any ban, even one affecting both groups, is a hasty and overheated response to the September 23 incident.

As we argued last week, the behaviour exhibited by both sides in McConnell that day was not appropriate for a university setting. Nonetheless, there was little risk of somebody getting seriously hurt, and we doubt there is a significant possibility this will happen in the future.  However fervently we may disagree with other students on this or that issue, and however frustrated we are when they forget basic decency in the heat of the moment, we should concede that our fellow students are not fundamentally violent or dangerous.

We sympathize with the EUS’s desire to set a precedent that disruptions in its domain will not be tolerated, but the Tribune believes a stern warning—to both QPIRG and the Opt-Out Campaign—would probably have sufficed.

Student Life

Life in the real world

by Kailan Leung on

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Every morning I walk downstairs to the kitchen and make coffee. At what point my days began to necessitate a hot injection of caffeine, I can’t be sure, but what I do know is that the ritualized act of pouring Starbucks Kitamu into a filter and hitting a switch satisfies two of my most important recent-graduate needs: starting every day with a purpose, and trying my damn hardest to feel like a grown-up.

Of course, I am not a grown-up, and making coffee is usually the most productive thing I do in a day. But it helps sustain the illusion of a vibrant, worthwhile existence. Most of the time.

When I graduated from McGill in the spring, many of my friends asked me what I planned to do if I wasn’t going to graduate school. The majority of conversations went like this:

Friend: “What are you going to do with your lack of experience and  English degree?”

Me, full of confidence and irony: “Probably end up working at Quizno’s!”

Friend, nervously: “Ha, ha, ha!”

I would kill for a job at Quizno’s. Well, not really, but making sandwiches is much more lucrative than sitting at home playing guitar, checking Facebook, and deciding whether the photograph that will end up on the back of my bestselling first novel should be in colour or black and white. Sure, if I worked four days a week waiting tables, I could have time to enjoy all of the above while still making enough cash to pay rent, but when you factor in the return of 30 Rock and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.… Well, a man has to prioritize.

But I don’t want to sell myself short. I recently scored an unpaid internship at a well-known media outlet, and on my days off, I sell fruit at various farmers’ markets around Toronto. Take that, English Lit. degree.

Having been out of school for five months, the two most important things I took away from my time at McGill were a love of poutine and a very clear picture of my mind-boggling societal value. So far, neither has been especially helpful. Every time I’ve received a preliminary screening call from a prospective employer, I’ve been unable to stop myself from fantasizing about what Successful Me would look like 10 years down the road, after I’ve moved all the way up the company/organization/Quizno’s ladder through a combination of savage intelligence and knee-weakening charm, much like a half-Asian Don Draper. I’m fully aware that this is a counterproductive attitude to have as a recent grad without any real world experience, and eventually I’m sure that some combination of credit card debt, self-loathing, and a fast-drying reservoir of parental sympathy will catalyze a shift in my behaviour.

Actually, I do have the beginnings of a plan. I’m currently taking a certification program that will allow me to teach English to non-native speakers in strange, far-off lands. Having grown up in a strange, far-off land myself, I’m not anticipating too many problems adjusting, although I am a little worried that overly warm temperatures will severely hinder my ability to wear a suit and fedora once I rise to the top of my future language school. Thinking about it now though, I could definitely see myself leaning against a palm tree, lost in thought, gazing into a tropical sunset as I contemplate the follow-up to my Pulitzer-winning literary debut. I think that would make for a great photo on the inside of my book’s dust jacket.

Joke

Honest application answers

by Ioana Varlan & Steen Sherman on

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Application to the Future of:

Steve Smythe

Please answer the following questions truthfully. Provide verifiers for specific activities.

Describe a situation when your actions had a positive influence on others.

I’m sorry, people who will decide my future, but I did not find a cure for malaria, nor have I traveled to Africa and saved a village from starvation. I did not go to Machu Picchu to help excavate it, nor did I teach English or the general values of life to impoverished children in India. I am not the Dalai Lama’s North American youth ambassador, nor have I raised millions of dollars for Leonardo DiCaprio’s tree-saving charity. I did, however, give a girl the best lay of her life last night. By the sounds of it, I influenced her very, very positively that evening.

Verifier: Suzie? No, Sam … Serena?

Are you a “big picture person” or are you more prone to detail? Give an example that illustrates your orientation.

This is one of those questions where there is no right answer, right? Asking me whether I see the big picture or scrutinize over minute details is like asking whether I’d prefer walking on the right or the left side of the street. You’re just looking for a skillfully bullshitted answer. On the left side, I may benefit from some cool shade on a bright day and might even avoid a pothole or two. Conversely, taking the right hand route would definitely save me some time, and time is money, right? No. You know what? Maybe I am gifted with a broad perspective and at the same time have a knack for precision. So I should walk down the middle of the street? No. I get it now! I have been brought up to avoid generalizations and not be fussy over what’s on my plate, so I won’t walk at all.

Verifier: My friend Hans Leutermann who, if you call, will tell you that I will be an amazing doctor/lawyer/whatever position this application is for.

Describe a situation in which you were in “over your head” and how you dealt with it.

NO.

    

Describe a situation when you went above and beyond and gave 110 per cent. Reflect on your reasons for doing so.

My incredible stamina and solid work ethic shone like a laser beam the night my Science Carnival team fought for the winning title against the arch nemesis team Pocahump-us. Earlier that night, tired and hung-over, I thought I wouldn’t be able to make the final event as I was temporarily impeded, projectile vomiting in an alley near Brutopia. My teammates suggested I go home and rest, as unfortunately I was clearly physically incapable of performing any kind of action which didn’t involve puking Chicken McNuggets. However, the final event was a lightning round of bros icing bros and without my lack of gag reflex, I knew that my team would suffer. After an hour of belligerent crawling, I arrived at the event like a phoenix out of the ashes, except covered in its own urine. I secured our gold-medal status, and we celebrated like kings before I had to be hospitalized due to alcohol poisoning. This is a clear indication of my resilience, and how I will go above and beyond to fulfill my destiny.

Verifier: Hobo up  the street from Brutopia, Crescent Street.

Student Life

Living with boys

by Ioana Varlan on

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collegecandy.com

Until recently, I’ve always lived with girls. If I decided to play Miley Cyrus on repeat for weeks on end, or buy a vanilla scented candle, it was never a problem. But things change when you live with a member of the opposite sex, which I’ve discovered by acquiring a well-dressed, well-groomed European boy as my roommate this semester. The most important thing to say about my new roommate is that he has really, really good-looking friends. He also, for whatever reason, rarely leaves the house, leaving me with very little time in my natural habitat. He spends his days relaxing, and his nights congregating with his gorgeous posse in shared territory, which turns my apartment into a Eurotrash Esquire magazine headquarters. Two months of living with him has thoroughly modified the looks and content of my apartment, room by room.

The bathroom

What used to be a washroom facility is now a stronghold of objects masterfully hidden from the male gender. Age-old feminine secrets like the fact that girls poop, use tampons, and occasionally have weird facial hair can’t be tastefully tucked aside, and are instead now iron-bolted in an opaque container underneath a floorboard.

The kitchen

Boys eat at least twice as much as girls. It’s infuriating. Having a boy in your kitchen is a constant reminder of all the things girls can’t do in fear of morbid obesity, like eat a pizza as a snack or drink Gatorade instead of water. Suddenly my fridge—which previously contained a carrot, cheap white wine, and a tub of margarine—is filled to the brim with meat products and beer that’s at least 85 cents more expensive than the type I usually buy. Jerk.

Moreover, for reasons I can’t really explain, I am too ashamed to eat my feelings in front of my new roommate. When I have the urge, I now have to go to my neighbour’s house to eat a tub of peanut butter with a spoon.

The bedroom

Our apartment is configured so that people have to walk through my room to get to the kitchen. It’s unfortunate, but it’s cheap. However, this means that my bedroom is public domain to French and German bros who spend more money on their jeans than I do on my rent. The sacrifices I’ve made are probably for my own benefit, but embarrassing nonetheless. Long gone are the days of hanging around in the flowery sweaters my mom made for me when I was a fat fifth grader. I’ve even had to purchase a fair amount of lace underwear just to surface-cover my good old Fruit of the Looms while doing laundry.

As you can see, my current living situation has caused a fair amount of trouble in my day-to-day life. But let’s be honest, when my roommate brings his friends over to pre-drink and walk around shirtless (because that’s what hot people do), and when they insist on kissing both cheeks instead greeting me with a hug or a hand shake (because that’s what hot European people do), I know all the trouble is worth it.

Student Life

Living with girls

by Matt Essert on

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Last year a girl I didn’t know moved in with me and my two other male roommates. It was weird. But during that semester, no matter how much I fought it, my living style changed, sometimes for the better, but mostly to the lamer. But, besides certain aspects of my life changing, I noticed a few things that surprised me about living with a member of the fairer sex.

The bathroom

No matter what anyone tells you, girls are definitely messier in the bathroom than guys. This really shouldn’t come as any surprise after seeing how long it takes girls to get ready for class or, God forbid, a night out. I guess I had originally assumed that girls take 30 seconds to apply makeup and then stand in the bathroom, not doing anything for the other 59 minutes and 30 seconds. I finally figured out that girls take so long to get ready because of all the products they apply everywhere on their bodies. Lotions, perfumes, potions, soaps, pads, dabs, appliances, colours, and unidentifiable containers with Chinese writing were always abundant in our bathroom.

The living room

There were a few big changes in our living room when the girl moved in. First, I felt extra nerdy playing video games for three hours at a time. When it’s just me and mes chiens, I had no qualms pwning noobs. But with a girl around, it became slightly embarrassing. Also, my television watching had to change. Either I felt compelled to watch more manly things, or when I did watch Say Yes to The Dress, I had to act like I didn’t love it (but come on, it’s a great show). Our pre-drinking situation also became way less manly because it turns out that hanging out without my shirt on while pounding PBRs before going out is not very attractive.

The kitchen

Maybe it was just my personal experience, but I have found that girls cook differently than guys. Girls are very into heating things up or cooking one small thing, and then leaving the dirty dishes next to the sink for five days. On the other hand, when I cook, I am using the whole kitchen and usually at least two or three burners. It can get messy, but I will clean up after dinner. Again, this could just be my experience, but every girl’s kitchen I’ve seen has almost been messy, and the leftovers are gross. Sorry, ladies.

    

Obviously, there are differences when living with a lover rather than just some girl you know, but I can tell you this: although chicks are awesome, living with dudes is sometimes just a lot easier.

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