I’ve been dating this girl for a couple of months, and I’m just not into it any more. I want to break things off, but I’m pretty sure she thinks things are a lot more serious than they really are. We have a few of the same friends, and I don’t want to look like the bad guy here. How do I end it, but still let her down easy?
—Trying to be a Nice Guy
Dear “Nice Guy,”
Breaking up with a girl from the same group of friends is always tough. First thing’s first: my advice for you is to take her out to a place where you can be left alone to talk things out rationally. If she seems to be taking the relationship more seriously than you are; you guys need some serious work on your communication. Don’t ignore her or go MIA to break it off. Since both of you have mutual friends and you don’t want to mess up this friendship, you should just talk it out. Maybe she isn’t as into the relationship as you thought she was, or perhaps she’s thought of ending it as well.
The bottom line is to communicate. Tell her how you feel, and what you want. Don’t be afraid to tell her the truth—it’ll hurt more if at the end. both of you suffer from a messy breakup, especially if things end up ruining the friendship along with it. That said, ending a relationship is never easy, so don’t expect her to take it particularly well when you do tell her.
But if you still want to be friends with her, use your actions over your words. Prove to her that you are a “nice guy” and that being friends would work for both of you. If dating her had been lots of fun, then there must be something about her personality that you like—which means that being friends can also be a lot of fun. Remember, just because you break up with her doesn’t mean that you two will never talk to each other again, or that your friends will think of you as a jerk. If you still want to stay friends, or at least in friendly terms with her, then you will have to work at it.
I’m trying to figure out if I should stay in Montreal or not this summer! I could just go back to Edmonton and work my usual summer job, but a few of my friends are staying here and want me to as well. I don’t think I could find a job that’s as well-paid, but I could take summer courses, and I’ve always heard the city’s beautiful that time of year.
—Should I stay or should I go?
Dear “Should I stay or should I go?”
Stop this second and ask yourself, “what do I want?” Sure, your friends are staying in Montreal for the summer, and it would be fun to explore the city and hangout with them, but do you really want to stay? If none of your friends were staying in Montreal for the summer, would you still stay? If the answer is no, then I think your opinion might be mostly influenced by what your friends are doing. If you can get a better job back home in Edmonton, why not go home for the summer, and hang out with family, or use the time to catch up with old high school friends?
However, if you feel like you want a change from your usual summer job, staying in Montreal is a great experience. You’ll encounter the part of Montreal that you don’t see during the cold harsh winters, with great outdoor activities, like the Jazz festival.
But first, do some more research on jobs and summer courses in Montreal. Make sure you plan out your break before you decide where to go. I’m sure there are plenty of opportunities for you in Montreal, but you will need to take the time, and do your homework on this. As for summer courses, look online, and see what courses are available, and which ones interest you. Check Minerva to find out what summer courses McGill is offering, or go talk to an advisor about classes from other universities that will still give you credit for your degree. Just be careful you don’t end up accidentally taking courses that won’t give you transfer credits.
Either way, don’t rush this decision. For instance, it might not be a bad idea to talk to your parents about it. Do they have any family plans for the summer? Also, think about the cost of either choice—would going home and working at your usual summer job be cheaper? Or would staying in Montreal to take summer courses be more economical?
Keep in mind, the two options aren’t mutually exclusive. You could always just take a few courses in May, and then go home and work at your usual summer job if that works out.
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