The Canadian federal election is finally behind us, but you still might want to vote your outspoken cousin out of the family dinner table. Many people report that political disagreements continue to strain their relationships. A 2022 survey found that over 40 per cent of Canadians said they have reduced contact with friends or family over an argument about politics. It’s a dilemma that many grapple with, especially in lieu of Thanksgiving approaching next month. How should we navigate the prospect of breaking bread—or not—with people whose beliefs or actions contradict our fundamental values?

For those who are engaging in difficult conversations with family members, here are methods to keep these interactions as meaningful and productive as possible.

Focus on dialogue, not debate

The key to surviving these conversations isn’t winning them. Remember that a debate is a closed process of persuading the other that you’re correct, whereas dialogue is a process of discovery and learning. Practice listening to understand instead of listening to respond.

Research shows that bombarding family members with articles or statistics rarely changes anyone’s mind and often exacerbates tensions. With people increasingly trapped in media echo chambers that reinforce their existing beliefs, a personal story is more difficult to dismiss out of hand as ‘fake news.’ Family members won’t change their minds overnight, but asking questions can help to disarm obstinacy towards alternative perspectives.

Try approaching disagreements with genuine curiosity about why your relatives hold certain views. Ask questions like, “What experiences led you to feel this way?” Often, conversations will reveal that participants are more aligned than they think. Asking or sharing the stories behind our beliefs can serve as a reminder that our family members are complex, and that their ideas might come from a place we recognize, even if we don’t arrive at the same conclusions.

Focus on the bigger picture

Moving conversations away from specific politicians often makes dialogue more productive. Rather than getting stuck on  polarizing figures who trigger strong emotions, try zooming out to explore underlying principles.

For example, instead of bringing up François Legault’s Bill 21, you might ask family members what they think should be the role of government in protecting religious expression. Widening the scope of conversation helps sidestep heated reactions to controversial figures while still allowing meaningful discussion about values and priorities. You’re much more likely to have a fruitful interaction about immigration policy, for example, when you focus on broader principles rather than specific politicians’ border decisions.

Know your limits and when to enforce them

Political conversations with family can be emotionally draining, especially for those whose identities or communities are directly affected by policy outcomes and inflammatory statements. Don’t hesitate to limit these discussions or take breaks if necessary.

There are certain inviolable standards when it comes to protecting human dignity around race, sexuality, gender identity, and religion. If family members use dehumanizing language or advocate for denying others’ basic rights, it’s entirely reasonable to set firm limits. This might mean saying, “I won’t be able to stay in this conversation if that language continues.” You don’t need to sacrifice your own mental health for the sake of family peace. If that’s the dynamic at play, it’s perfectly acceptable to skip those dinner plans. 

When engaging with relatives who hold beliefs that dehumanize others, avoid responding with the same type of demeaning behaviour. The stakes feel high, and it’s tempting to lash out or match their energy, but don’t let their approach drag you into behaviour that contradicts your own principles. If you draw a line and someone continues to cross it, distancing yourself from that person is a reasonable response. Setting a boundary is an act of self-respect, not a sign of failure.