It’s 1:00 p.m., and I’ve settled comfortably on my couch after a harrowing day of class. With last night’s leftovers in hand, I pull out my favourite entertainment receptacle––the iPhone––and begin a tricky balancing act, placing the bowl between my legs, a fork in one hand and my phone in[Read More…]
Tag: joke
That one kid in every conference
It was another Friday morning spent sitting in the Education building, listening to my peers drone on about economics. I rolled my eyes, opening my bag to find Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell, the only economic education I would need. I had been reading it for a few months. Just[Read More…]
A labour of love
Times are tough, fellow McGillians. It seems like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge just aren’t doing the trick anymore—they’re all tricks themselves without any treats. The same faces repeat, over and over: How often do you need to scroll through blurry mirror selfies of George, U3 Mech Eng, a moderate from[Read More…]
The April fools horoscope
With the exam season—and possibly a sixth wave——and possibly a sixth wave—on the horizon, //The McGill Tribune// plots out what the stars have in store for us for us. Capricorn: Watch your step when you finally get up from that study spot!! You wouldn’t want to trip and fall in[Read More…]
Dear students, from Cloudberry
Cloudberry the squirrel has asked The McGill Tribune to publish the following letter on her behalf. Hey McGillians, Cloudberry here. I’ve asked the Tribune to share this message on my behalf as I don’t have social media. The Tribune has shown me all of the fan accounts on social media[Read More…]
Student activists hang ‘Change the Name’ banner from the roof of Leacock
A group of approximately thirty McGill students gathered on the Leacock Pavillion on March 27 to watch an unknown individual unfurl a banner from the roof with the words ‘Change the Name.’ The banner hung for about 20 minutes, after which two members of McGill Security Services personnel removed it.[Read More…]
Plumber’s Faucet alleges Suzanne Fortier is five owls in a trench coat
An article in The Plumber’s Faucet recently confirmed what McGill’s student body has long suspected: Principal and Vice-Chancellor Suzanne Fortier is not, in fact, a middle-aged woman with a passion for crystallography, but five owls stacked talon-to-beak in a medium-sized trench coat. The allegations, brought forth in an article titled “10[Read More…]
I went to every single Montreal emergency room and this is a definitive list of them, ranked
According to the Health Ministry of Quebec, emergency room wait times in Montreal have increased from a median of 4.4 to 4.5 hours over the last year. With little hope that this number will decrease significantly over the next few years, The McGill Tribune has compiled a definitive list of[Read More…]
Montreal Curling Club announces new sponsorship deal with Swiffer™
On March 25, Canada’s most decorated curling club, The Montreal Curling Club, announced their new sponsorship deal with the iconic household brand Swiffer™. Club President Joey Moore and Swiffer™ CFO Howard Tallman signed a five-year contract worth $1,000 at the club’s office in Côte-des-Neiges. “We here at Swiffer™ are just[Read More…]
McGill divests from fossil fuels, funds new Amazon rainforest campus
Since 2012, Divest McGill has protested McGill’s investment in companies that profit from fossil fuels. The student group has led the charge for climate activism on campus, organizing protests, raising awareness, and gaining the support of the Student’s Society of McGill University (SSMU). Their calls for action largely fell on[Read More…]