Everybody knows the five stages of grief, but McGill students know of a sixth—perhaps a seventh. The sixth is coming back to school in August, a week before your friends at other schools; the seventh is coming back with more money on your oneCard than in your bank account. Even if you’ve drained most of your student card’s $500 CAD balance, the new school year comes with a consolation prize: discounts! From entertainment to travelling, The Tribune brings you a guide to grieving the end of August without breaking the bank.
Denial – Monday
It’s Aug. 31, you’re trekking to McConnell Engineering at 8:30 a.m. for your first class, where a two-star professor on RateMyProf—armed with their 17-page syllabus—reminds you that the summer is, in fact, over. Although your student card can’t help you escape McEng 11, it gets you $11 CAD movie tickets. It’s even cheaper on Tuesdays—$8 CAD all day, with a $5 CAD popcorn and drink combo!
Cinéma Beaubien, Cinéma du Parc, and Cinéma du Musée offer you a chance to double your course load and give it to the next day, because if tomorrow’s the day you “actually lock in,” you might as well reject the impending stress and gift yourself another day of summer. Reward yourself by watching Backrooms, with buttered popcorn in one hand and a fountain drink in the other.
Anger – Tuesday
Everybody is suspiciously unworried, in line outside of Redpath (the library, not the museum) to get into OAP. Your carefully schemed plan to sneak in for a $5 CAD hotdog is derailed by hundreds of clueless first-year students who still don’t know they’re not getting in.
With every afternoon lost to the OAP line, your anger moves from a simmer to a boil. Luckily, yoga classes are cheap and a great way to soothe your nervous system! Who needs an OAP hotdog when you can channel this rage into a few downward-facing dogs at Fyra Yoga for discounted prices? Until Sept. 13, you can get 10 classes for just $160 CAD. Drop-in community classes are also available for less than $7 CAD. Yoga won’t fill your stomach up, but it will fill you with peace over the fact that you are also not getting into OAP.
Bargaining – Wednesday
After yesterday, you’ve decided that food is essential to the human body. But McGill Math dictates that if food is on sale, you’re not spending money—you’re making it. Hop over to Metro on Mondays to enjoy 10 per cent off groceries! If not, check out Shawarmania and Poke Monster for their hefty student discounts. Forget an apple a day; two discounted meals a week should keep your economics professor away!
Depression – Thursday
The unopened Outlook emails are piling up, and the number in your bank account is plummeting faster than your Frosh situationship lasted. You have already pondered banishing yourself to northern Quebec to start over as a lumberjack. Alternatively, head to Bar des Arts for $1.50 CAD beers and grilled cheeses! There’s nothing a sweaty basement full of Arts kids can’t fix. And if you’re still spiraling, students also get a 15 per cent discount on VIA Rail tickets. McGill wants you to finish your degree, but the SSMU is committed to helping you escape.
But before you change your legal last name to Bûcheron, remember that McGill offers free mental health support through the Student Wellness Hub.
Acceptance – Friday
It’s Friday, happy Friday!
You’ve cried. You’ve crashed out. You’ve even considered beginning your chopping era. Somehow, you have also survived a crazy week full of first-years and wicked professors. Now you have the whole weekend ahead! Treat yourself to a free visit at the Musée des beaux-arts de Montréal—it’s a hard-earned reward.
If you’re under 25, you have free access to the museum’s permanent exhibits all week. But here’s a reminder for the certified curious minds: Temporary exhibits are only free to visit the first Sunday of every month. Don’t get too excited and show up at the doors on a random Friday. You’ve reached acceptance, and we don’t want you to start your five stages of grief again.