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SHOOTING OUT THE LIGHTS: It’s TSN’s time

Not that there was a contest, but with its new high-definition studio, TSN has solidified itself as the superpower of Canadian sports. In all realms of sports broadcasting, TSN is superior to its rivals at the CBC and Rogers Sportsnet. But what does having sports-broadcasting hegemony mean for the Canadian market?

Most significantly, it means that CBC and RSN might as well kiss the NHL goodbye after 2007-2008. Aside from the fact that the two have no hope of matching CTV/TSN’s proposed 10-year, $1.4-billion deal to add terrestrial rights to its cable package, the fact is that CBC and RSN don’t deserve to have hockey. The consumer deserves the best product and TSN offers it. Aside from Don Cherry, Ron MacLean and CBC’s hallowed tradition, TSN’s coverage blows the competition out of the water. Judging each network’s studio, in-studio personalities, broadcasters, analysts and in-game coverage only goes to strengthen this argument.

TSN recently upgraded its studios into high-definition and while most people still do not have HD, the sparkling studio still makes CBC and RSN look foolish. CBC’s main studio is nice enough but it is only prominent during the playoffs, while the Coach’s Corner booth is obviously set up in about 10 seconds. It is still better than RSN which is sticking with the 90s-era single desk format. The bottom line is that compared to TSN’s expansive set-there is even a hockey surface in it-CBC and RSN are decades behind.

In terms of in-studio personalities, it depends what kind of sports viewer you are. The Hockeycentral crew at RSN-defined by Bill Watters and Nick Kypreos-is goofy and disorganized, yet mildly entertaining. Having dumped editor Scott Morrison and lost insider Darren Dreger to TSN, RSN has chosen personalities over real insight. At CBC, Don Cherry obviously leads all networks in the personality department but after him and Ron MacLean, the in-studio talent drops off. Kelly Hrudey is a very solid analyst, but alone, he simply can’t compete with TSN’s all-star panel of Dreger, Bob MacKenzie, James Duthie and the recently retired Tie Domi. In terms of enlightening debate and insider information, TSN can’t be topped.

In terms of national broadcasts, RSN is immediately disqualified because it’s a regional broadcaster, though I can say from experience that Senators announcers are so brutal that it’s probably a good thing that this network is localized. CBC’s main tandem of Bob Cole and Harry Neale are past their prime, and no one is debating that; they do, however, bring a sense of history and mystique to the games, which does count for something. Eventually, though, new broadcasting legends will have to emerge and TSN’s Pierre McGuire may be the prime candidate. Despite what some “hockey fans” might say about him, Pierre is the best, hands down-he knows his stuff. Gord Miller is solid and is part of this great tandem. TSN’s number two man, Chris Cuthbert, is a strong backup and an exile from CBC.

In-game coverage is the closest of all the categories, as it should be. RSN isn’t even in the race though-their broadcasts seem to preclude ice-side reporters or inventive cameras. CBC’s Scott Oake does an excellent job with player-interest stories and during HNIC playoff games, it innovated a great new feature where a camera follows the players through the tunnel and onto the ice during introductions. They also give the viewer a good feel for what is happening in the stadium by placing cameras inside the concourse and outside in the parking lot. TSN uses similar shots, but it also has Glen Healey in between the benches, which adds a good touch and has since been duplicated by the American networks. This category is as close to a draw as any, but in my mind, Healey’s bench-work is the tiebreaker and puts TSN in front.

Canadians should not be afraid of the imminent move of the NHL to CTV/TSN-it offers the best coverage and highest entertainment value. We need to accept that while Canada grew up with Foster Hewitt and Danny Gallivan, the CBC simply isn’t worthy of holding on to Canada’s game. It’s time for substance to trump sentiment. It’s time for the NHL on CTV.

Sports

FOOTBALL: Redmen stung by Concordia in Shrine Bowl

The Redmen have struggled to put together a full 60 minutes of football this season, in recent weeks having held the lead at halftime against top-ranked Laval and keeping the score close at the break against Université de Montréal.

Last Saturday, the story was no different. The Redmen were trounced 41-13 by arch-rival Concordia in the Shrine Bowl after trailing the sixth-ranked Stingers by just six points at the half.

Quarterback Matt Connell was 17 of 35 for 269 yards with one touchdown and one interception as McGill’s air attack kept the Redmen in the game for the first half.

“I thought it was looking good and we would come back and win this but all of a sudden we just shut down again like we have in a few other games,” Connell said.

The Stingers also took advantage of another problem that has vexed McGill this season: its inability to stop the run. Concordia’s 366 rushing yards propelled the Stingers to pull away in the fourth quarter, outscoring the Redmen 18-0 in the period. Running back Andre Hamilton led the ground attack with 221 yards and three touchdowns.

Redmen hold their own in the first half

The Red ‘n’ White opened the game strong, with a 77-yard drive early in the first quarter. However, the offence was unable to find pay dirt, stalling on the Concordia three yard line and forcing McGill to settle for a field goal by Robert Eeuwes to go up 3-0. It would be its only lead of the game.

Concordia would respond with a drive culminating in a 32-yard touchdown pass from Scott Syvret to Nicholas Saikaly. They would go to score again via a 30-yard touchdown run by Hamilton with 13:17 remaining in the second quarter. The Stingers were then gifted two more points on McGill’s next drive, when the Redmen elected to take a safety rather than give their opponents good field position-the first of three two-point surrenders by the Red ‘n’ White.

However, McGill roared back right before half time, producing a five-play, 74-yard drive ending in a 20-yard touchdown pass from Connell to wide receiver Charles-Antoine Sinotte.

“We had a pretty good passing day but we have to improve on the little things if we want to win,” Sinotte said.

The score was the freshman’s third on the season and cut the deficit to 16-10.

Hamilton leads the Stingers to victory

McGill was again fastest off the block in the second half. Eeuwes hit a 42-yard field goal with 7:15 left in the third quarter to bring the Redmen within three. The field goal matched Eeuwes’ career long and improved his season total to eight field goals in as many attempts.

That would be the closest McGill would get, however, as the Stingers racked up 23 unanswered points, as the McGill defence seemed to tire.

“We had a hard time finishing the game and you can tell by the final score they just ran all over us,” said defensive back Anthony Lucka, who enjoyed his second straight game with an interception on Saturday.

Hamilton added two more touchdowns for the Stingers, scampering in from three yards out late in the third quarter and rumbling for an impressive 69-yard dash two minutes into the fourth. Saikaly would also add a second touchdown catch, this time from pivot Robert Mackay with 8:37 remaining in the game. The Stingers then scored four more points on safeties given up by McGill.

Next week the Redmen return home to Molson Stadium to take on the Vert et Or of Université de Sherbrooke. If the Redmen can manage to play a full 60 minutes they should be able to compete with the Vert et Or.

Sports

SOCCER PREVIEW: Reinventing the Redmen

Sports are a transcendent element in today’s turbulent society. To use a cliché, any team can win on any given day. It is not always the supremely skilled squads that capture championships; rather, spirited, passionate and hard-working often trump the talented. It is to this philosophy that the 2006 McGill Redmen soccer team subscribes to, as they are self-avowedly not one of the more impressive teams in CIS soccer.

Second-year Head Coach Philippe Eullaffroy has taken on the mission of cultivating a new spirit and work ethic in Redmen camp. The McGill pitch will not be graced by an extraordinarily skilful team this season; however, if Eullaffroy is successful in his program, there will be a fresh dedication to soccer both within his dressing room and throughout campus.

“I played against the Redmen about 12 years ago,” Eullaffroy said, referring to his time at l’Université de Quebec à Montréal. “When we played McGill, it was a very tough game because the Redmen had spirit that no one else had. Five or six years ago, they lost that spirit and became a common team. I don’t want that. We may not be the best team in the nation, but when others come to play McGill, I want them to say ‘Wow, this will be tough.'”

While passion may be the objective for the Redmen, on the field they still appear to be a fairly average squad. Last season, McGill finished a disappointing fifth in the Quebec University Soccer League with a mediocre 7-6-1 record, missing the playoffs. As a result, the Red ‘n’ White have set themselves very realistic goals. Beginning this year, the team will engage in a step-by-step program to eventually reach the national championship.

“The first goal this year will be to make the playoffs and hopefully win a playoff game,” Eullaffroy said. “The next step would obviously be to win the provincials and then go to nationals, but we have to be realistic. We have the skill level to be national champions, but I’m not going to go out and tell our guys that we’re one of the best teams in the country.”

Young but well-rounded

McGill will look to field a well-balanced, albeit inexperienced squad on the pitch in 2006. Although Coach Eullaffroy has attempted to impart an offensive philosophy on his men-playing with a more offensively inclined 4-4-2 formation-the defence remains the strongest pillar of the team, coming off a season in which they conceded only 14 goals. The midfield-anchored by leading scorer Alec Milne, captain Jean-Philippe Drouin-Bouffard and Quebec all-star James Scolefield-will be a flexible unit that will have to alternate quickly between deep slicing attacks and helping out on the defensive end. The strikers will play an even more crucial role this season as the offensive-minded attitude becomes more ingrained in the team’s style of play.

“There is much more intensity this year,” Drouin-Bouffard said. “The team looks good in preseason, the rookies are ready to perform and bring something to the team and we’re a much stronger team. We’re going to be much harder to beat this year.”

The lack of experience is still a significant weakness for the Redmen however. Last season, 60 per cent of the team were rookies. This year, although that number is down, the squad lost six veterans and is still an overwhelmingly youthful side. In university sport, youth is not a contending team’s ally.

“We lost six players from last season,” Eullafroy said. “Anytime you lose veterans, it’s not good for the team. But the seven rookies we brought in are better than the rookies from last year so we should have some more balance.”

Playoffs within reach

One of the pluses for the season is that McGill finds itself competing in a fairly wide open QUSL where anything can happen over the course of a season.

“The two stronger teams are Montréal and UQAM for sure, and maybe Laval,” Eullaffroy said. “So we should end up around either third or fourth and make the playoffs.”

The McGill Redmen soccer team isn’t the best squad in CIS or the QUSL; however, if the coaching staff has its way, they will be an exciting and passionate team. And sometimes, spirit trumps skill.

Sports

Seeing red: Hockey Redmen bounced from Nationals early

The CIS University Cup tournament is no place for the faint of heart. Two games can catapult a team to the doorstep of national glory, or just as easily dash their dreams of a historic season. The Redmen discovered this painful truth last week at Nationals, after losing 4-2 to the Atlantic University Sport Champion St. Mary’s Huskies on Friday. Combined with McGill’s 5-4 overtime loss to the Manitoba Bisons a day earlier, the loss spelled the end of the road for a promising team that had captured the Queen’s Cup in the same building less than two weeks before.

“We’re very disappointed, as we had a great season and high expectations for this team,” said Redmen defencemen Marc-André Dorion. “We won our league and came into the tournament thinking we could win. We were ahead in both games, but the bounces didn’t go our way.”

McGill was rewarded for their dominance in Quebec with the number-two seed going into the tournament and had their sights set on qualifying for the National Championship game. Instead, the Redmen will go home empty-handed for the fourth time in five seasons. However much the loss stings, though, the Redmen can take comfort in the fact that 2009-10 was an unequivocally impressive season for McGill.

The Redmen took the Queen’s Cup earlier this month, and made quick work of their archrivals – the UQTR Patriotes – along the way. Under the guidance of rookie Head Coach Jim Webster, the team posted a 22-6 regular season record and finished as the highest-scoring team in the country. Redmen players were also rewarded for their efforts with individual accolades – sophomore Francis Verreault-Paul took home the OUA East MVP, while Dorion was recognized as the nation’s best defenceman. Second-year forward Alexandre Picard-Hooper joined Verreault-Paul and Dorion on the OUA East first team.

Despite being loaded with talent, the Redmen simply couldn’t deliver when it mattered most. McGill jumped out to a 4-1 lead against Manitoba in the tournament opener before allowing three goals in the third period to send the game to overtime. The recipe for disaster was twofold: disorganized defensive zone play and undisciplined penalties. McGill’s high-flying offence couldn’t muster a goal in the third period to put the game away. Manitoba, meanwhile, had no trouble carrying their momentum over to the extra session, as Mike Hellyer scored for the Bisons less than two minutes in to put McGill behind the eight ball going into their final group game against St. Mary’s.

Once again, the Redmen took an early lead against ex-NHL winger Mike Danton and the Huskies. Leading 2-1 after the first, championship calculations began to run through the heads of the McGill fans at the Fort William Gardens. A regulation win over St. Mary’s and a Huskies regulation victory over Manitoba on Saturday would have put McGill in the finals. Unfortunately, a furious second period charge by the Huskies – three goals scored in five minutes – spelled disaster for the Redmen. McGill mounted a late-game challenge, but couldn’t close the gap.

Three power-play opportunities fell by the wayside, and Verreault-Paul received a 10-minute misconduct, keeping him out of the game until the dying minutes of the period.

“It was very frustrating as we had a good lead early in both games,” said sophomore Maxime Langelier-Parent. “We killed ourselves with penalties.”

While general disappointment and thoughts of “could’ve” and “should’ve” are to be expected, there is a place for optimism in the Redmen locker room. McGill may not have come away with the top prize this year, but the future remains bright. The team will only lose two defencemen – Ben Gazdic and captain Yan Turcotte – along with goaltender Danny Mireault for next season. Throughout the year, the Redmen were led by a line of sophomores, and younger players had a key role in the overall success of the team. With the retention of their core, 2010-11 projects to be another great season for the McGill Redmen, who should once again be in the running for a spot at Nationals in Fredericton, N.B.

With files from Earl Zukerman

Behind the Bench, Sports

THIRD MAN IN: Sportsophobia

Sports are boring. Let’s talk about baseball – I don’t care if it is “America’s pastime,” but when a game only becomes exciting after two and a half hours and consists of waiting to find out whether a player will hit the ball – or if it’s really heated, whether a player will catch it – then I believe it’s time to find a better way to spend the afternoon. How about football? It’s astounding to me that a 400-pound man throwing himself on a pile of other 400-pound men is part of an official game. I am literally haunted by the sounds of the television on a Sunday afternoon – the monotone announcer mumbling something about a 50-yard line. I won’t even begin to express my befuddlement when I moved to Canada and discovered curling – a sport in which players use swiffers to move stones across the ice.

Sports make men even more socially inept than they already are. As if baseball season, basketball season, football season, and hockey season weren’t enough to fill 365 days of the year, men are now also playing fantasy sports. If any man who engages in cyber sports thinks that he is better than that nerd playing World of Warcraft, he is sadly mistaken. To the average female, this is probably a bigger deal-breaker. And whatever happened to the days when going out to a bar meant socializing with your friends to the tune of some good music? Now, the only thing you’re likely to find at a bar is wall-to-wall TVs and tables of screaming men who can’t be bothered to make real conversation.

Sports are unsettling. Our society gawks at the cultural barbarism of gladiatorial times, but here we are, continuing to engage our most violent and competitive instincts – our Hobbesian inner natures that will readily abandon the social contract in order to embrace the state of nature. We’ve simply traded the Coliseum for the gridiron, armour for jerseys, swords for bats and balls, and “to the death” for “to the concussion.”

At the risk of having a mob of furious Canadians hunt me down, I will only say that when I hear the sounds of hockey players crashing violently into the glass or watch a player repeatedly extend his fist into another player’s face like a whack-a-mole at an amusement park, I can only imagine a crowd erupting into chants of “Caesar!”

I take issue with not only the inherent barbarism of contact sports, but the absolutely infantile state in which they place zealous fans and observers. I’ve seen men who get into fist fights and throw broken beer bottles into people’s faces over petty sports disagreements. I’ve heard of friends who never speak to each other again because they support rival teams. Why is it that when I visit Boston, the first thing I hear from local men is, ‘Oooh a Yankee.’ Really? When you encounter a New Yorker, your mind runs immediately to baseball?

In my humble opinion, there are a lot of things that went awry on the Y chromosome: the need to direct a woman when she is trying to park, the refusal to ask for directions when lost, and the generally slow intake of emotional cues, to name just a few. But the fanatical addiction to sports is by far the worst. Don’t get me wrong, I think physical exertion is invaluable, and a little competitive energy is healthy. But the world of contact sports takes on a whole new level of absurdity – both in its participants and in its observers. You disagree with me? How ’bout I smash a beer bottle over your head? ?

Disclaimer: This is a gross generalization of the male gender and the world of sports as a whole. The author acknowledges that there are women who enjoy sports and some men who do not like sports, or do not revert to cavemen while watching sports.

Sports

Doyle reflects on head coaching experience with hockey Martlets

An 86-game winning streak, three players on all-Canadian teams, and a silver-medal finish at Nationals. Not a bad result for a first -year hockey coach. Then again, experience with the team is one thing Martlets interim Head Coach Amey Doyle had in spades when she took over Canada’s most successful women’s hockey program from Peter Smith at the beginning of the year. The former McGill star took some time to share her thoughts with the Tribune about her team’s momentous season.

After your career as an all-star goaltender with McGill, what made you decide to go into coaching?I have always been very passionate about coaching, although not necessarily at McGill. My current position kind of fell into place because one of the assistant coaches left [for] Toronto. I started out with a minimal role, [working] with the goaltenders and with recruiting. My role gradually increased, and when Peter took his temporary leave, I was very glad that the Athletics Department had enough faith in me to let me have a chance to be in charge.

What did you learn as an assistant coach under Peter Smith?He definitely showed [me] the importance of paying attention to detail, and to approach everything with professionalism, regardless of the situation. I admire him for his passion for the game, his work ethic, and just how interested he is in the women’s hockey program. What was your mindset going into the season?I approached it with the goal of sticking to the keys of our success. Again, it was paying attention to detail and taking things one day at a time. Even though we were missing a few key components, I thought it was a great opportunity for players to step up, and they all did just that.

Obviously, losing to the Alberta Pandas in the National Championship game was shocking. If you could go back and play the finals all over again, what would you have changed?That is something I have been thinking for a while now. I thought Alberta played very well. They definitely played a very different style of game than they did in their two previous games. They were not afraid to get us to ice the puck, and subsequently they took away our bread and butter, which is our speed and our puck control. We just weren’t able to adapt quickly enough. They had a few bounces go their way, and if we had had our share of those, the result may have been different. With that being said, I would have liked to have seen us try to get the puck on net and score a garbage goal instead of looking for the perfect play. [Many] of our girls are returning next season, and hopefully they will all have become better players because of it.

Some key offensive players are graduating this year – which player of the returnees do you expect to step up their game and fill in for the departing veterans?I think Jordanna Peroff is definitely a candidate to break out next season. She was great at Nationals, and she continues to progress in our program. She reads the game very well and is a very strong and powerful player. Also, Ann-Sophie Bettez brings a lot to the table too, with her experience and great speed. I don’t really expect scoring to be a problem next year.

When you look back on this entire experience, what stands out to you the most? It was a lot of fun. I enjoyed my time in charge. Winning the QSSF was definitely special, [and] we didn’t expect to go undefeated this season because of the personnel we lost. There are a lot of steps that need to be taken before a team gets to the CIS championships, and I thought the team overcame a lot of adversity in taking those steps successfully.

What does the future hold for you? Are you staying in McGill?Peter will be back, and I will be the assistant coach again. I cannot stress enough how excited I am for Peter to come back. He has been a great mentor for many years. Like I said before, I still have lots to learn, and it’s great to learn from the best. I enjoyed my experience this year and I look forward to being in the thick of it again next season.

– Compiled by John Hui

Joke

JOKE ISSUE: McGill students failing courses for “financial reasons”

U1 biology student Lincoln Duncan is currently on track to fail four out of his five courses during the 2010 winter semester, meaning he will only earn three credits this semester instead of the expected 15. In an unexpected announcement, Duncan has blamed the economy for his poor performance.

“With this economy, how can you expect anything else?” asked Duncan. “I have to pay for books, pay for groceries, pay for escorts, and so on. How can they expect me to pay attention in class?”

Duncan has argued that the financial downturn of the past several months has forced him to cut back on most of his expenses. One of the first things to be cut in his budget was the amount of attention he could afford to pay in class.

“I need to survive, so I need food and shelter,” said Duncan. “I get lonely, so I need my escorts. What I don’t need is the nonsense that all the attention is costing me in class.”

“I understand that my grades are suffering, but I’m only just breaking even with my expenses at the end of the month, so I don’t know what other options I have. And yes, I can guarantee you that I need the escorts.”

Senior economics professor John Carlstein explained that he has seen this kind of problem affect many students in the past.

“Whenever there’s a serious economic downturn, choices have to be made,” he said. “Most students don’t have an income and therefore must be crafty with their finances. To be honest, I’m impressed by Mr. Duncan’s initiative.”

Duncan admitted that he doesn’t actually spend any money when he pays attention in class, but argued, “It’s the principle that counts.

“When I sit down to go over my finances at the end of the month, I have to consider everything I’ve paid for, whether tangible or not. It would be irresponsible not to account for the attention I’ve been paying in class. I’m just trying to keep a clean balance book.”

Beside groceries, rent, and pixie sticks, Duncan spends most of his other budgeted money on his escorts. Lana Luvana is one of Duncan’s more frequent escorts.

“He calls me every few days, sometimes to party, sometimes just to talk. A lot of the time, he’ll call me, get a hotel room, and then just cry for a few hours. He usually complains about his early-onset of male pattern baldness.”

Luvana is currently attending night classes at Roy’s Beauty School in Dorval.

“Yeah, I’ve seen this before. It’s too bad ’cause he had nice hair. He showed me pictures from when he was younger, but he’s losing almost all of it. I’d say by 24, he’ll be completely bald.”

Duncan denied any allegations of an onset of male pattern baldness.

“I just want to get by,” said Duncan. “Is that too much to ask?”

Carlstein has recently partnered with Duncan and other professors at McGill to form a task force against the rising cost of attention at McGill.

“Too much attention is being paid here at McGill,” said Carlstein. “How can we say that we are offering a reasonable education if students have to drop out due to the high costs of attention that they are being forced to pay?”

Arts & Entertainment, Music

CD REVIEWS: The Fugitives: Eccentrically We Love

After their EP In Streetlight Communion was nominated for a Canadian Folk Music Award in 2007, it’s no wonder that The Fugitives’ first full-length album Eccentrically We Love pushes the boundaries once again with their storytelling and instrumental fusing talents. Eccentrically We Love shifts from spoken-word to folk rock to slam poetry throughout the album, with each song displaying the band’s range of talents.

An upbeat, folk-pop sound is introduced at the start of the album with some banjo and accordion sounds in “Pickled,” “Start a War,” and “Funeral.” “City of Rain” is definitely appealing to those who enjoy a country feel, and even has a slower David Gray-esque melody. But not all of the less upbeat songs on the album are so enjoyable: “Everytime,” and even the title track provide a soothing but dreary ambiance.

It’s difficult to choose one breakout hit in the album, but the collection of songs is impressive if you can discover and appreciate Eccentrically We Love‘s cheery flow of contemporary folk, displaying both light-hearted, playful styles and some dark and eccentric themes.

Joke

JOKE ISSUE: Less than mediocrity

After a year that included a few wins, the McGill football team is confident that it won’t disappoint fans next year by being mediocre. The team plans to continue their losing streak, extending it to as many as three years. Star running back Alexander Hamilton will not be returning, which will help the Redmen get a fresh start on losing.

“When they finally won, I just felt like it wasn’t fun anymore,” said Red Thunder member Jake Johnson. “We were out there to cheer them on when no one else would. Now everyone is encouraging them. It’s just not the same.”

Many fans have complained that the Redmen’s relative success this year has made games inconvenient. Beer prices and noise levels have risen at Molson Stadium.

“We’d rather be known for losing than for being a mediocre team,” explained an assistant coach.

The Redmen haven’t trained since their last game in November, nor do they plan to get back on the football field until absolutely necessary.

The Redmen plan to use the extra Level I funding to pay for a training camp, where they will learn to unlearn their football skills.

“One of our players was on the Quidditch team this past year, and it really messed up the plays,” explained a coach. “He forgot how to run without a broom, and couldn’t throw a football properly anymore.”

Head Coach Cloudy Fox took this opportunity to arrange a Quidditch training camp this summer, where attendance is mandatory. While the McGill football team is known for having broom experience, many players are unfamiliar with the magical Harry Potter game, and are looking forward to the change of pace.

“Ultimately, I joined the McGill football team to have fun and get away from school,” explained quarterback John Wesley. “I really didn’t want to put any effort into it, and the pressure of winning was just too much. Quidditch will be a way to help us return to the elementary-school flag football we love to play.”

Joke

JOKE ISSUE: McGill Frosh gives birth to new sport, Naismith very impressed

To say that McGill has helped shape many of the sports we know and love today would be the understatement of the century. From popularizing American football in the late 1800s to forming the first organized ice hockey team in the world, to inventing the game of basketball, McGill has served as a veritable think-tank for athletics over the years. And, it would seem, the school that James built isn’t finished quite yet.

Frosh Week tends to catalyze a variety of ideas – some good, most bad – and McGill’s newest sporting innovation is proud to claim lower field as its place of origin.

“It was literally crazy,” said Lauren Tisdale, a U1 education student and Frosh leader. “We had this big beach ball, and it was getting thrown around … and then the beach ball sort of turned into a bunch of stuff that was just getting thrown around. Literally, people were screaming.”

Screaming, but in the best way possible. The flying beach balls, shoes and beer bottles on a hot August afternoon laid the groundwork for the most intoxicating sports phenomenon since Michael Phelps: anarchist dodgeball.

“It’s definitely taken the sports world by surprise,” Tisdale said. “For a lot of people, it provides a sort of stress outlet. Seriously, after listening to those fucking chants from morning to night, I needed an outlet. I needed to throw things. At people. [Anarchist dodgeball] allows me to express myself in a non-competitive, non-athletic way.”

Perhaps the most important part of the game is its strict lack of guidelines. Influenced heavily by the critically acclaimed feature film Dodgeball, the tenets of anarchist dodgeball are simple: the only rule is that there are no rules. For players tired of the competitiveness, fitness, and talent required for many sports, anarchist dodgeball offers a welcome reprieve.

“Whether you’re aware of it or not, there is a large percentage of people [at McGill] who thoroughly detest sports,” said Alana Friedman, U3 philosophy. “I never appreciated getting yelled at as a kid for kicking the ball in my own goal. I couldn’t stand everyone’s tone of voice. It just made me uncomfortable.”

Thankfully, Friedman hasn’t yet had to deal with any yelling or condescension, primarily because stealth is a necessary component of her new favourite pastime.

“Last night, a monkey wrench flew through my window and hit me in the face,” she said. “But I’m fine with that, I have health insurance. Besides, it’s all part of the game.”

One of the reasons for anarchist dodgeball’s success has been the way in which it lends itself to adaptation. Because no one can tell when the game is in progress and when it is not, many groups and individuals have used it to their advantage. Some of McGill’s varsity sports teams, for instance, have applied anarchist dodgeball tactics with great success throughout their respective sports seasons. Teams that hadn’t won a single game in years were able to break into the win column by simply throwing debris at the opposition until they were forced to quit.

Sach Mewburgh, a recently elected student official, has been elated by the publicity that anarchist dodgeball has generated.

“I think first and foremost, it’s great,” he said. “Sustainability and accessibility, along with community, are key … I really expect this game to take McGill to even greater heights.”

But not everyone from the school’s student body has been quick to jump on the anarchist bandwagon. Mack Chester, a U5 English literature student, expressed concern that the sport may have a negative effect on the student experience at McGill.

“I know that the point is that there is no point,” Chester said. “But for some people, that’s not good enough. I want to know why someone is hiding in the bushes outside my door waiting to chuck a two-by-four at me. If this continues, I’m not going to be able to take a seventh year of undergrad.”

The dissenters are few in number, however, and the majority of students and staff are ready to build up the school’s already impressive athletic reputation. Anarchist dodgeball takes place everyday, everywhere. There are no teams and no rules, so pick up the closest moveable object and start throwing.

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