U3 Engineering student Jack Martin recently posted a status on Facebook expressing his distrust in the newly elected Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) executive team for the 2017-18 school year. “I don’t usually post things like this on Facebook, but recent events have alarmed me to a place that[Read More…]
Tag: Joke Issue
New McGill passwords require six letters, three numbers, and $5 donation
With a mandated password reset for McGill students, the administration has found the perfect opportunity to ameliorate the university’s budget concerns. When students go into Minerva to enter in a new password, $5 will now be charged to their student account. Following the grand success of McGill24, the McGill PR[Read More…]
McGill releases ‘Fill-in-the-blank’ statement to be used for next McGill scandal
On March 27, the McGill administration released a partly-blank statement for students to use when condemning of any future scandals. An explanation accompanying the statement clarifies that after the series of recent scandals involving McGill and the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU), the administration has decided to no longer[Read More…]
‘Hey, can you watch my stuff for a sec?’ now legally binding verbal agreement
In an updated version of its Charter of Student Rights, McGill has amended that, “Hey, can you watch my stuff for a sec?”, “I’m just going to get coffee, will you be here for the next ten minutes,” and “Sorry, could you…” are all legitimate, legally binding contracts. The clause[Read More…]
Montreal hipster ‘heard of it first’
In the Mile-End neighbourhood of Montreal, tote bags too-small-to-carry-anything-in are catching on. But local hipster James Bax assures that he totally heard of it first. “Everyone started using these tote bags all of a sudden,” Bax said. “But I started it. I mean, I’ve used aesthetically-pleasing but nonfunctional things for[Read More…]
Marty the Martlet elected SSMU president
McGill mascot Marty the Martlet was announced as winner of the presidential contest for the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) for the 2017-18 school year. The gigantic bird fought a hard campaign against Jane Darnold, ultimately finding success with his “Just Wing It,” platform. Upon hearing the news, Darnold was[Read More…]
Principal Fournier purchases fleets of car to aid walk from Leacock to McIntyre
After a disappointing meeting with members of Divest McGill, McGill University Principal Josie-Anne Fournier announced plans to address a growing student complaint: The hike from Leacock Building to the McIntyre Medical Building. “We will be purchasing 20 fleets of Cadillac Escalades to transport students to and from Leacock and McIntyre for[Read More…]
April Fools Issue 2016
The McGill Tribune presents its articles for its annual April Fools' Joke issue: Stories SSMU turns to flip cup to decide result of “divisive” and “external” motions McGill to divest from colour red Student crashes Minerva by accidently completing course evaluation Varsity LARP team wins regional championship Students discovered in[Read More…]
SSMU turns to flip cup to decide result of “divisive” and “external” motions
In the aftermath of the failed attempt to pass a constitutional amendment creating a Steering Committee to prevent “divisive” and “external” motions from being voted on at the General Assembly (GA), The Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) Council has announced a new procedure for dealing with controversial motions. Instead[Read More…]
Principal, missing since March 23, found safe
Principal and Vice-Chancellor of McGill University Josie-Anne Fortimer, who has been missing since March 23, has been found safe, though at this time her exact location is unknown. Fortimer disappeared seemingly without a trace after announcing to the university via email that the Board of Governors (BoG) will not be[Read More…]
