Latest News

Student Life, Word on the Y

Word (off) the Y: How has your life been under physical distancing?

by Alaana Kumar on

More in Student Life:

As life has been turned upside down, Associate Provost (Teaching and Academic Programs) Christopher Buddle and the Student Life team of The McGill Tribune share their outlook on this unprecedented period in history, as well as what they are looking forward to when this crisis passes. 

Miguel Principe; Student Life Editor

Three weeks ago, I was stressed about [things] my future such as writing exams, finding a gap-year job, and applying to grad school in the following year. With the coming months looking uncertain, I am trying my best to just appreciate what I have, especially compared to what those on the frontline don’t, most importantly, the ability to stay at home and be with my family . Being in my final year at McGill, I’m disappointed to see Convocation and Grad Ball cancelled and that I never got to say a proper goodbye to McGill and Montreal. When all of this is over, I can’t wait to throw away all notions of physical distancing and give my friends the biggest damn hug and just hang out inside a café. 

Alaana Kumar; Staff Writer

When it became apparent that self-isolation was the only way forward, my sister and I headed home to Ontario. For the first time in years, my immediate family is under the same roof outside of the holiday season. Although the situation can be scary, we are doing our best to appreciate this extra time together. We are keeping busy with puzzles, board games, books, movies, journaling, drawing, and of course, school and work. Saying goodbye to my graduating friends in Montreal was incredibly difficult and seeing their graduation cancelled was heartbreaking. Regardless, I’m so proud of all that they have accomplished and I look forward to seeing them soon. In tough times, I like to remind myself how lucky we are. Thank you to our health workers, paramedics, essential service employees and scientists. We appreciate you!

Catherine Morrison; Staff Writer

When I first found out about McGill going online due to the pandemic, I wasn’t too worried. I knew I would be able to manage the new style of learning and complete all of my exams and essays. Plus, I was still on track to graduate. However, being a graduating student, I felt devastated by how quickly four years would come to an end. Having to cancel events that I had planned all year long with student groups and learning about the potential cancellation of convocation made me feel hopeless. However, with time, as well as a couple of wine nights with my mom, I have learned to cope with the strange sense of loss that I have been feeling. Rather than allowing myself to dwell on what has been lost, I’m trying to focus on the great things to come in the future.

Scott Kennedy; Staff Writer

At first, I felt really disheartened. This is my final year, and I was looking forward to spending time with my friends, saying my goodbyes to people, and having that one last hoorah of walking out of an exam room and ending up at OAP. Now I’ve accepted what’s going on and am constantly reminding myself that there are some people around the world, even in this country, who do not have the same luxury of being able to safely quarantine. At the moment, my family and I seem to be keeping ourselves busy, but we are still finding time to spend time together. I was definitely sad to see the Grad Ball shut down, because, if I might be so bold, I had a pretty good fit planned. I’m looking forward to seeing my friends, as well as what my post-undergrad future holds. On a broader note, I look forward to seeing how we are able to come back from this historical period and the extent to which the pandemic will inform the way we move forward.

Christopher Buddle, Associate Provost (Teaching and Academic Programs)

Everything has changed in two weeks, and while it’s very scary in many ways, and raises a lot of worry and anxiety, it’s also given me so much hope for McGill and for our community [….] Personally, my work days are very full given my position in senior administration […] but for fun, I have been learning the banjo, and finding a bit of time to work on that. However, I can’t say that hobby is being enjoyed by everyone in our house. [Cancelling convocation is] very sad for our graduating students, although it was the right decision. Though, I know there will be other ways that we will commemorate the graduating class, there is something so special about seeing the big tent on Lower Field. [Overall,] I’m looking forward to seeing students, my colleagues, and friends in person! While it is great to be able to use videoconferencing, it’s just not the same.

Student Life

The importance of the humanities at McGill

by Catherine Morrison on

More in Student Life:

The relative importance of the sciences and humanities has been up for debate. In academia, the objective approach, predominant in the sciences, which analyzes information through observable data, has come to be more highly valued than the subjective approach of gaining knowledge through individual perspectives and opinions, often used in the humanities.   

Stereotypes have circulated about the difference between being in an Arts program compared to a Science one. At McGill, stereotypes about Arts students depict them as lazy, barely needing to study to get straight As. These ideas further the belief that Faculty of Arts graduates have no employment prospects since they have no tangible skills that can be applied to the ‘real world.’

Will Straw, Professor of Urban Media Studies in the Department of Art History & Communications Studies, described how stereotypes about Arts students have perpetuated at both McGill and in popular culture, fueling misconceptions about the Faculty of Arts as a whole.  

“We all hear that […] Arts courses are just schools for training people to be ‘woke,’” Straw said. “Even Knives Out, [a 2019 mystery film by Rian Johnson] has jokes about people taking Arts in elite US colleges and being trained in radical French theory. The longstanding stereotype is that the humanities are useless and that people study ‘flower imagery in Blake’ or something. These [stereotypes] have been around forever.”

A common belief is that people in STEM graduates earn higher salaries than those of Arts programs. However, a study by Emolument found that the pay gap between the two domains closes over time and graduates in the humanities can even end up making more money than those in the sciences. 

Furthermore, studying the arts can lead to many interesting jobs after graduation. The humanities can open doors to a variety of essential careers such as lawyers, teachers, writers, and activists. In fact, many notable McGill graduates have a Bachelor of Arts degree, including Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and thesinger and novelist Leonard Cohen. 

The Faculty of Arts’s Gender, Sexuality, Feminism, and Social Justice Studies (GSFS) program is the only department that specifically focusses on ethics and social justice initiatives at McGill. Pascale Graham, a course lecturer for the Institute for Gender, Feminist, and Sexuality Studies at McGill, explained the program’s importance in shaping our global communities.

“Some of the strongest elements of working in gender studies are the willingness to take risks, engage in interdisciplinary approaches and think creatively on issues of social inequality,” Graham said. “Gender studies has been at the forefront at challenging power structures and plays a critical role in drawing continuous attention to injustices, offering critical analyses on structures of oppression. In doing so, it provides avenues for addressing inequalities with the aspirations of formulating more equitable futures.”

As in all universities, McGill students face many social and political issues relating to racism, sexual assault, and the climate crisis. It is therefore extremely important that this program exists to offer courses on making changes not only within the McGill community but also around the world. Despite this integral role that Arts departments such as GSFS play, there have been times where students, as well as the McGill administration, have perpetuated the narrative that a science degree is more valuable than one from the Arts. For Joanne Chio, U3 Arts, it comes down to McGill not providing enough support for Arts classes as well as the Faculty as a whole.

“I do not think that McGill values Arts as much as other faculties because of how it has overseen several Arts programs,” Chio stated. “This is often seen through the scattering of Arts classes all across campus in undesirable buildings as well as the lack of academic counselling for students interested in Arts-related opportunities outside of McGill.”

On Feb. 10, the GSFS Students’ Association announced on Facebook that the office of the Dean of Arts was going to suspend the graduate degree options for both GSFS and International Development Studies starting in Fall 2021. McGill graduate and undergraduate students distributed an open letter with signatures from students in both fields of study as well as students in other programs, and the suspension was soon rescinded. However, this incident is just one of many examples illustrating a pattern of McGill deprioritizing the Arts program compared to other faculties. 

According to Straw, to understand what the McGill community could do to better support Arts programs, a discussion with the administration on what students truly want to gain from their humanities education is an imperative first step.

“In the name of being more academic, we’ve done away with a lot of practice-based programs in Arts [but] is this what students want?” Straw said. “I think that Arts departments get caught up in preserving the way they’ve been doing things for a long time, but […] it might be time for students, professors, and administrators to sit down at a big table and figure out what everyone wants and how they might go forward.”

Mercedes Labelle, U3 Arts, believes that McGill needs to provide Arts students with better ways to find jobs and get recruited. 

“I wish the Faculty of Arts offered more networking events and career fairs,” Labelle said. “It seems like corporations literally come to Desautels and Engineering events ready to recruit [students] whereas the Faculty of Arts doesn’t have [them]. Being in Political Science, I wish I had been able to learn about future careers in my field at McGill. Of course, the Arts Internship Office is great but there’s only a few internships available for the entire faculty and a lot of them are international, meaning that they’re pretty hard to get and [are] not accessible to the everyday student.”

Crisis in the Humanities, a 1964 best-selling book co-written by several humanities and social science professors, stated that a science-oriented world had no room left for the humanities. However, it is evident that public policy, critical thinking, and social justice are now more important than ever. In the current COVID-19 pandemic, for example, the sciences remain extremely important as healthcare workers are providing constant care and researchers are developing ways to combat the pandemic; however, those in the arts—journalists, educators, and politicians in particular—are playing equally important roles in our lives today through upkeeping public morale and sharing vital information.  

Historically underappreciated, the arts, especially domains in the humanities, provide a window to a plethora of concepts that equip those who study them with perspectives that are unrivaled by other domains.

“Generally speaking, the humanities play a vital role in shaping interrogations into what defines and drives human experiences,” Graham said. “This means not only delving into our past to offer a different lens of analysis but also deconstructing how historical events shape our present conditions. In doing so, it provides the opportunity to look forward and [reimagine] what our futures may be.” 

Basketball, Sports

In conversation with Yaron Weitzman

by Gabe Nisker on

More in Basketball:

Yaron Weitzman covers the NBA as the national writer for Bleacher Report, so he ended up travelling from his New York home to Philadelphia to cover the 76ers quite often during the 2017-18 season. Ben Simmons was a rookie that year and, well, the Knicks were not playing well at the time. Weitzman really needed a story.

Once he was in Philadelphia, he realized that he had more than enough content for an article: He had enough to put together a book proposal. A few years later, his new book Tanking to the Top hit the shelves. Weitzman’s book details the history of the last 15 years of Philadelphia 76ers basketball, a tale centred on Sam Hinkie, the former General Manager who notoriously formed terrible teams in an effort to accumulate high draft picks. Weitzman interviewed nearly 175 people, though both Hinkie and the 76ers as an organization cordially refused to cooperate.

“[The team was] very polite [and emailed back], ‘Congratulations, we’re not going to participate,’” Weitzman said. “I kind of figured eventually, when they see that this is a real thing [that they would] [….] It’s easy to say no at first, [… so] I kind of figured they would relent eventually, and, to their credit, they did not. So, power to them. They’re sticking to their guns on that one.”

Given the lack of formal cooperation from the team, Weitzman had to work harder to compile a list of interview targets. In the case of Markelle Fultz, the 2017 top overall pick, he received insights from Keith Williams, an old coach and mentor. He also knew he could reach out directly to certain players and their agents to fill in the details.  

“I didn’t have any sit-down with [76ers guard TJ McConnell], and I thanked him in the book, and he would have no idea why,” Weitzman said. “He was just very polite and gracious [though], and, like, I would go to him during pregame availability [….] TJ McConnell [was] always available and sitting, and I would ask him a lot of random questions like, ‘What do you remember about the day [former 76ers teammate] Nerlens Noel was traded?’”

As a sports fan growing up, writing about the NBA felt like a natural fit for Weitzman, who studied sports management at New York University before realizing that he didn’t care for the business side of sports. He has always loved the NBA, and still does, but now finds that other sports have displaced his energetic passion.

“I feel like I’ve channeled all of that into my Mets and Jets fandom,” Weitzman said. “I’ll […] rant like I’m a […] caller [on New York’s The FAN radio station] calling on Mike Francesa to complain about the batting lineup. I still love the NBA. I mean, yeah, it’s more of ‘It’s definitely [a] job, right?’ There [are] times, like, I don’t want to watch. The NBA is not a respite for me.”

Weitzman watches games with a careful eye and has a knack for uncovering interesting stories, like a recent one on NBA players changing their phone numbers or another on players agreeing to not go for rebounds. With years of experience at Bleacher Report and SLAM, among others, Weitzman felt that the book had been a long time coming. He knew that he had always wanted to write one, and the story of the Sixers presented a good opportunity. He had finally found his voice as a writer.

“I’d be scared to look back at [my early writing],” Weitzman said. “I feel like there’s a lot of really bad Bill Simmons impressions.” 

Student Life

A retrospective guide to navigating first year

by Scott Kennedy on

More in Student Life:

Adjusting to any new setting is a natural, but challenging part of life, and one’s first year at university is no exception. As you launch yourself into a new journey amongst the wilderness of McGill, the elders, better known as upper-years, leave behind some tokens of wisdom.  

Before embarking into the exciting world of university life, the most eager have already made a campus checklist of potential supplies, from bedding to notebooks. However, there are often overlooked items that make the dorm experience more enjoyable. For Fred LePage, U3 Computer Science and History, a simple speaker proved to have more uses than just creating an ambiance in his room.

“A speaker makes you a valuable recruit to any social gathering, though not if others get the same idea,” LePage said. 

As great as speakers are, Gwenyth Wren, U3 Environment and African Studies, recommended something to combat the likely noise in dorms. 

“I can’t overemphasize [having earplugs] if you’re like me and [had] super loud […] people on your floor screaming at 2 a.m.,” Wren said.

Dylan Havelock, U3 Computer Engineering, prioritized keeping his room comfortable, particularly after the hikes to the Upper Residences. 

“If you’re going to include one thing, I’d say [it would have to be] the fan,” Havelock said. “I think [mine] ran for eight weeks straight.”

Outside of the many climbs up the mighty hill that is the McGill campus, another aspect of university life that newcomers and seasoned students alike must endure is picking classes and setting up a schedule. Students should know that they don’t need to have a perfect schedule when the semester begins as there is an Add/Drop period in the first three weeks of the term that allows students to try courses for which they might not have not registered.

“Add/Drop is your friend,” Wren said. “If you are entering [as a] U0, play around with classes and see what you like.” 

There are many different tools that students can use when choosing the perfect class. For those avoiding the dreaded 8:35 a.m. class at Stewart Bio or who want a day off in the week, the Visual Schedule Builder (VSB) displays potential schedules, including course instructors and locations. RateMyProfessors is another useful tool. On this website, students can read through the reviews and experiences of other students for a given professor’s classes.

“A good way to measure your decision […] is how the prof is rated online,” LePage said. “You’ll be spending several hours a week with this person so get used to them.”

Course evaluation sites and Facebook groups are great ways to find the coveted “bird courses” at McGill. However, Aisha Manneh, U3 International Development Studies, suggested that doing well in electives doesn’t always mean filling your schedule with the usual suspects.

“Pick electives in things you’re interested in and it’ll almost always be an easy A if you enjoy the work,” Manneh said.

Furthermore, students should also understand that sites like RateMyProfessor or the McGill subreddit do not always paint the full picture.

“You should be honest with yourself and pick things you’re interested in,” Iyanu Soyege, U2 Political Science and African Studies, said. “[Don’t] let the bad experiences of others determine what you do.”

For students, it is key to pick classes on subjects that they feel they can immerse themselves into for hours, especially when the dreaded midterm season rolls around. It is also important during this exhausting period to find the ideal place to prepare for impending exams, and the dorms may not be the ideal place.

“Around residence, it can get pretty distracting, so it’s good to use the libraries,” Havelock said. “Everyone is […] in that study mode, and it just rubs off on you and […] helps you focus.” 

While students will have to wait for Schulich Library’s facelift, there are still an abundance of options from the ultra-quiet Islamic Studies Library to the conversation-friendly floors in Redpath.

“The Law Library [is] […] definitely worth the hike,” Manneh said. “It’s super quiet though, so not a good place to whisper with your friends but great for getting some serious studying done.”

Outside of the routine of studying around Milton-Parc, Montreal is full of unique neighbourhoods that many students often don’t see since they typically stay within their comfort zone near campus. Leon Picha, U0 Management, suggested one inexpensive way to get out of the McGill Bubble and explore the city.

“I used to go on the Metro, and when I’d find a cool sounding station, I’d just get off and walk around,” Picha said.

The iconic Mount Royal Park can also give students a chance to escape the urban setting in the middle of the city.

“There’s […] the main path, but there [are] also these little trails,” Havelock said. “If you’re an outdoorsy person and want to get that nature fix in Montreal, it’s a really good spot.”

Overall, Montreal is a fantastic city with so much to offer. Whether it be the Musée des Beaux Arts, an Old Port eatery, or a nightclub in the Plateau, people can seek out all different kinds of entertainment.  A particular favourite for first years to venture out to are the nightclubs on St. Laurent Boulevard. The street is jam-packed on Thursday nights as the popular nightclub Tokyo hosts a combination of the Top-50 hits playlist and 3-for-$10 Jägerbombs. This tradition has become iconic, to the point that ‘Tokyo Thursdays’ are part of the McGill vernacular. Wren reiterated the importance of this Montreal institution. 

“Tokyo will always have my heart, and my Thursday nights,” Wren said. 

Above all, it’s worth acknowledging that McGill’s ‘work hard, play hard’ mentality can get overwhelming; first-year students must not forget to take care of themselves throughout the school year. Spending time with friends away from nightlife settings is a great way to practice much needed self-care.

“Your friends [are] going to understand the stress you feel better than anyone else,” Manneh said. “Try and schedule in […] chill time with your friends outside of the club.”

When you are among friends and peers alike at McGill, remember to avoid the habit of comparing yourself to them, even if they seem to be getting amazing grades or finding their own social groups. It may appear that you are isolated in feeling inadequate or apprehensive, but the truth is that everyone is going over their own hurdles and many will share similar anxieties.

“It [may] seem like everyone is doing better at school, doing better at making friends and managing better than you, but that’s not true,” Wren said. 

Most importantly, no one should feel like they are alone when navigating the sometimes uneasy waters of first year. There are always people there for you.

“You may feel a lot of pressure, but remember there are always people […] who are there to support you, whether it be your family, friends, floor fellows, or other services offered by McGill and SSMU,”  LePage said.

Off the Board, Opinion

Infected with hate

by Winnie Lin, Design Editor on

More in Off the Board:

During the first week of March, I got into a taxi on my way to meet some friends in LaSalle and started to chat with the driver. I found out that he was originally from Iran, and I asked how bad the COVID-19 outbreak would be in Canada. He told me that he predicted high numbers and many deaths.

As of April 6, the total number of cases worldwide is nearly 1.3 million, and Iran alone has seen over 60,000 cases. The total deaths in Iran have reached over 3,000; the taxi driver was right. 

Due to the ever-increasing number of cases and deaths, people are told to stay at home to ‘flatten the curve.’ Social distancing is a practice that hopes to slow the escalation of cases beyond what the health care system is able to handle. Limiting contact with one another for a few weeks, in theory, keeps the infection trajectory to a rate that hospitals can handle. Fear has been used by governments and the media as a tactic to get the public to understand the gravity of the situation and the importance of ‘social distancing,’ more recently known as ‘physical distancing’ due to the effects of social isolation on mental health.

However, as a Chinese-Canadian, I’m afraid to go outside not for fear of contracting the virus, but for fear of racist encounters. There have been several local examples of anti-Asian racism in the last several weeks: the racially motivated stabbings of two Korean men in Montreal, the robbing of a Korean restaurant in Montreal, and repeated vandalization of statues in Montreal’s Chinatown. The virus does not discriminate in whom it infects; on the other hand, these instances all felt far too personal. In late February, an elderly lady told me to ‘put on a damn mask’ as she walked by me in the aisle of a Jean Coutu. It was not the most devastating interaction that I could have had, but I am nonetheless afraid to leave the house sometimes, let alone go to grocery stores or pharmacies, because this pandemic, and this racism, is all really happening.

Today I thought, ‘I cannot wait for things to return to normal.’ But, I also realized that my weird feeling of guilt about being someone of Chinese origin had been around even before the COVID-19 pandemic. On the topic of COVID-19, there has been speculation that China’s reported number of cases during the outbreak may not be legitimate. After reading about this, I thought that the Chinese government might actually be covering up their actual number of cases for COVID-19, in fact, I would not find it surprising if they were. Government officials from the US as well as the UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, have expressed doubt and anger at the Chinese government. 

Regardless of the legitimacy of China’s figures, it scares me that the rapidly growing number of cases and deaths are contributing to international tensions and tearing people apart, rather than bringing them together. Circumstances are bleak right now. People are forbidden to visit their family members who are dying in isolation. Medical professionals are burnt out and scared. Meanwhile, people are losing their jobs and their livelihoods. International politics, though important, should not be a focus right now. Instead, we should be coming together—while maintaining a two-metre distance.

I have always had conflicting feelings as a first-generation Chinese immigrant living in a Western society that spoon-feeds its people propaganda against the Chinese government. It is sometimes difficult for me to maintain an objective view of politics and cultural trends. I often forget that the government of a nation does not represent the people of that country. In those times, I am riddled with guilt about something that doesn’t have anything to do with me or my family or the majority of Chinese people. But somehow after reading one too many articles or headlines, I forget that we are not responsible. I think that it is important to keep that as a reminder to all, so that fewer innocent people get hurt. So that people, like myself or my Taxi driver, aren’t afraid to leave our houses. We are losing enough people to this pandemic; we do not need to lose more to racist and divisive ideologies.

Editorial, Opinion

McGill must move carefully into the digital world

by The McGill Tribune Editorial Board on

More in Editorial:

McGill students’ lives are shifting entirely online. April 3 marks the end of the first week of classes since the university made course instruction remote. McGill administrators are attempting to provide uniformity to students in all faculties, but even so, professors have been left largely to their own devices in terms of how to approach this transition. While the administration has been confident about the efficacy of the shift in their emails to the student body, McGill students have had varying experiences with remote instruction so far. In addition, many other aspects of students’ lives—such as socializing and basic errands—have either halted or been forced to adapt to less-than-ideal circumstances over the last several weeks. Crucial resources like therapy and simple tasks like going to the grocery store have all been disrupted by COVID-19. Many McGill students are finding that, in being forced to adapt to entirely new modes of learning and living while managing the stress caused by the pandemic, they are struggling to keep up with their responsibilities, academic and otherwise. With this in mind, it is crucial that McGill’s administration and professors continue to be understanding, practice leniency, and provide resources for the student body while it undergoes an entirely unprecedented series of events. 

McGill’s decision to allow students to exercise a Satisfactory/Unsatisfactory (S/U) option for all classes is warranted and the administration should be commended for it. Further, it was appropriate for McGill to entirely shut down over two weeks so that they could properly assess how to move forward, yet it is imperative that professors acknowledge the circumstances that the closure has created. Students were discouraged from preparing assignments during this time, and even though professors had been allowed to maintain deadlines, these weeks were a crucial period for students to take a break from school work in order to commit mental energy to adapting to new circumstances caused by the pandemic. The return to class should not involve professors simply taking four weeks of material, work, and lectures and squeezing it into the final two weeks of the semester. While an imperfect solution, if professors need to cut material from their syllabi in order to refrain from overwhelming students, they should do so, even with the S/U option in mind. 

The McGill administration, in continuing to decide how the semester will proceed, should recognize that professors are being put in an extremely difficult situation, often lacking the infrastructure or expertise to quickly move classes online. Professors, in turn, should recognize the position in which this puts students. Zoom, as ubiquitous as it has become, is an imperfect piece of software and can be accompanied by a range of technical difficulties. In addition, it must be noted that moving away from in-person instruction, while a difficult change for all students, is particularly devastating for students without a reliable internet connection or who learn most effectively in a classroom setting. In addition, much of the burden of shifting toward remote instruction has also been placed on Teaching Assistants, creating an increased academic workload for individuals who may be experiencing stress for other reasons related to the pandemic. The administration and professors should be cognizant of this reality. 

While students are confronting this litany of changes in their academic lives, they face other challenges as well. Some students may be dealing with family members or friends who have contracted the disease, or engaging in more extreme quarantining measures because they are at higher risk. This is also a time during which challenges with mental health are being exacerbated, and unfortunately, resources for such challenges are much harder to access. At this time, McGill’s Wellness Hub is not accepting any new clients. That being said, thus far the administration has made concerted efforts to make online mental health resources available. McGill should continue to do everything in its power to make sure these services are accessible to its students remotely. Professors too, should take specific note of circumstances causing anxiety or stress when considering student requests for extensions or alterations to assignments. 

Finally, McGill students should seek to shift their expectations of their own productivity. We must be gentle with ourselves when things are not going how we would like them to be, primarily because we are in the midst of a contemporarily unrivaled global pandemic. Students should try to do things that offer them structure over the course of days and weeks which would otherwise blend together. In addition, so many facets of students’ lives are now exclusively accessible through a laptop that it may be necessary to schedule breaks from being digitally immersed throughout the day. Moving away from screen-time for a set number of hours a day can not only benefit one’s physical health, it removes one from the perpetual cycle of news related to COVID-19 which can be anxiety inducing. Stress may be an inevitable consequence of moving into a digitally-oriented world, but McGill students can make use of the resources available to them and their existing networks of support in order to mitigate the effects as much as possible.

Features, Joke

Textual schedule builder

by Gabe Nisker on

More in Features:

Frankly, planning the perfect schedule is no joke. When I need to choose my classes for the school year (and I always know when this is; it’s in my calendar), I really, really need to weigh out my options. I log onto Visual Schedule Builder and I begin to optimize my schedule. I think through all of my choices very seriously. I have to. Because, as you, I, and Principal and Vice-Chancellor Suzanne Fortier all know, education is no laughing matter.

 

Joke, Sports

McGill athletes victorious in sporting competition

by Baz Kitball on

More in Joke:

The McGill Sportspeople (4–11) prevailed over cross-town rivals UdeQÀM (50–1) by quite a bit at the Sporting Event on April 1.

The first fraction of the game was marked by tension and excitement as players on both teams made plays. While McGill initially struggled to gain momentum, their star-studded offensive lineup pushed a full-court press in the later minutes and ultimately knocked one out of the park. 

“When you get a touchdown, there’s nothing like it,” Sportspeople captain Pitch Wilder said. “The key was making sure our ball movement was going in the right direction.”

The intensity increased as the game neared its end, with UdeQÀM closing the gap. Despite their best efforts, however, a buzzer-beating wicket from McGill ended the game in the Sportspeople’s favour.

“We went out there and gave 110 per cent,” Guy Baller, captain of the UdeQÀM team, said. “Our coach has been involved in the direction, instruction, and training of the operations of our team. Next time, we’re just going to have to focus on scoring a different number of points.”

Sportspeople Head Coach Fabreeze LaCroix was pleased with McGill’s performance.

“Our team did good athletics today,” LaCroix said. “Now it’s all about keeping that momentum through the season and making it to the playoffs.”

McGill’s fans were pleased, too, and expressed their enjoyment of watching them do sports.

“I enjoy watching them do sports,” Chase McMan, U0 Engineering and event attendee, said.

The Sportspeople next play on April 14, when they’ll take on their cross-town rivals, the Concordia Dropouts.

Joke, News

McGill’s downtown campus declared national park to protect local seagull and squirrel population

by Delphine Polidori on

More in Joke:

Following the McGill administration’s closure of campus until May 1 as a result of directives of the provincial government regarding limiting the spread of COVID-19, the McGill community was forbidden from gathering on the university’s grounds. 

Overnight, the McGill campus was devoid of its human population, who turned to Zoom’s backdrop feature to experience Canada’s vast and beautiful landscapes. Yet, not all of the campus’s inhabitants abandoned the McLennan-Redpath complex. Instead, the Milton-Parc community could suddenly hear a beautiful symphony of screeching seagulls, and no longer needed their alarm clocks to wake up. 

The seagulls, local to the area, have had their beaks set on McGill’s downtown campus for a while, but the university’s large student population had, until now, made it very difficult for them to settle undisturbed. The seagulls were also inconvenienced by the squirrel population living on campus, who were always first to get students’ leftover food from the trash and dig up sweet finds from Lower Field. 

“The amount of laptop-carrying douchebags criss-crossing the Y intersection made living here unbearable,” Steven Seagull said. “Don’t even get me started on how those thicc [sic] squirrels would get to the thrown out bahn mis and Four Loko cans before any of us could.”

Finally, on March 23, this phenomenon came to the attention of Associate Provost Christopher Buddle as he was filming content for his vlog series, available soon on Hulu and Netflix. Soon after, Buddle notified Parks Canada of the urgent need to protect these rare local species. 

“I was astonished to find out that such a peaceful green space existed in the heart of downtown Montreal, with no human disturbances or noise pollution,” Jessica Gray, Environmental Assessment Scientist for Parks Canada, wrote to The McGill Tribune. “While the circumstances surrounding this newly fallow land are not to be overlooked, it is a delight that we could finally find a home for our locally endangered species.”

On March 27, McGill’s downtown campus was officially declared an urban national park to safeguard the well-being of the local seagulls and squirrels, who can be seen enjoying themselves on the vast playground, and even engaging in some riveting quidditch games on Lower Field. 

Others, however, were disappointed to learn of Parks Canada’s decision to prioritize the needs of these wild species, over that of their own. Milton-Parc’s dogs had been lobbying the McGill administration for years to turn Lower Field into a dog park. 

“My parents and I have unfortunately been living in that neighborhood with all the wannabe frat boys for 10 years,” Confiture, a local celebrity dog, told the Tribune. “Every evening, we walk through this pseudo-Hogwarts scenery and make our way to Lower Field. But every winter, this big ol’ ice rink gets built and I only have half of the field to run on. I know that Mont Royal is close by, but with my old age, I can’t bear to walk uphill. But now that McGill’s campus is a national urban park prohibited to pets, I’ll have nowhere accessible to get some exercise in.”

Entry to the McGill National Park, formerly known as the McGill downtown campus, costs $5 for members of the McGill community, though only transactions with One Card are accepted, and $20 for non-members. Only five people at a time are allowed to visit the park to respect both social distancing rules and the precious species who have permanently moved in.

Horoscopes, Joke, Student Life

Horoscopes for the week of March 29 to April 4, 2020

by Callum Sheedy on

More in Horoscopes:

Good tidings to you, reader. I hope my greetings find you well. In these strange times we all need a little reassurance to help us keep going. I will remind you that there is indeed a tomorrow, and that tomorrow brings new and exciting challenges and experiences for us, even in the face of self-isolation. After much astrological contemplation, this is what’s in store for you this week.

Aries

A wild goose chase is on the horizon for you, where your skills of agility, quick-thinking, and seduction will be tested by your distrustful neighbour, Caruthers. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Taurus 

A special someone is right around the corner, and you’ll be surprised to discover Valentine’s Day has come late for you this year. Unfortunately, it has been further postponed due to the current pandemic.

 

Gemini 

As a Gemini, your weakness for amphibians will become your strength after you are appointed a high-ranking Canadian military officer to help ward off an unexpected frog invasion. Channel your fear into inner rage as those ferocious animals invade the shores of Vancouver.

 

Cancer

Your strong sixth-sense will be a source of ‘I-told-you-so’ satisfaction to everyone who doubted your previous warnings of the impending frog invasion. (See Gemini.)

 

 

Leo 

Be bold this week. Don’t be afraid to invoke your inner Kirby as you unhinge your jaw and mouth-hoover your dropped Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme from the floor of your kitchen.

 

Virgo 

During these strange times, resist your usual urges to pilot shipping boats off the ports of Montreal a little longer. Your ideal time to strike is right around the corner.

 

 

Libra

Make peace your enemy this week and declare war on your roommates for their blatant disrespect of your sexy little sundress.

 

 

 

Scorpio

Take note of when your peers let their guards down, as it will be the perfect time to recruit them to your 30-person ska band, affectionately known as The Planet Crushers.

 

Sagittarius 

Dear Sagittarius reader (if you are not a Sagittarius please stop reading now), I know this is odd, but I believe I may be your father. Please reach out to me by mail, fax, or email me at [email protected].

 

Capricorn 

Suspense and intensity come your way this week when you have a showdown with the mouse that lives in your apartment. Don’t let your typical arrogance and hot-headedness get the best of you, as this will put you at a disadvantage against the mouse’s use of a .38 Special.

 

 

Aquarius

You live in the vibe economy, and the next time you vibe check, prices will be plummeting. Keep this in mind when looking for future vibortunities (vibe opportunities) this coming quarter.

 

Pisces 

You are a conniving little twerp with nothing but evil in your blood, which is why all your friends and coworkers will be surprised when you selflessly donate your life savings to Chiquita Banana.

(Image credits: Winnie Lin)

1 … 408 409 410 411 412 … 1,363

Read the latest issue

Read the latest issue