“You have bewitched me, body and soul,” Mr. Darcy declared, over the striking rain on the rolling hills of the English countryside. Many find that this fictional gesture of romance from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice has all but diminished in 2025. Recently, British VOGUE’s Chanté Joseph released an article entitled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Joseph contends that having a boyfriend has social benefits that women want to maintain, yet the idea of being ‘boyfriend-obsessed’ has become decidedly gauche. For women today, it’s less Pride and Prejudice, and more Pride and Poorly Dressed. The question remains—do the women of McGill concur?
In an interview with The Tribune, Léa Finch, U1 Arts and Science, expressed surprise at this recent sentiment.
“[It] feels like the article kind of came out of nowhere [….] There’s no need to bring down men with it [….] Having a boyfriend doesn’t change you being able to have power and show it off.”
On the other hand, Adhara Scholten, U0 Arts, found the article’s topic to come from ‘somewhere,’ replete with contemporary social context.
“I think it’s a result of a lot of social […] policies against women, restricting women, [and] a lot of stories […] publicly made about, rape, for example […] Gisèle Pelicot [….] Then we think of [the 4B] movement in Korea. [In the article] the narrative blames women. It asks, ‘are women embarrassing themselves by having relationships with men?’”
As women’s suffering becomes increasingly public through social media and fourth-wave feminist activism, the world is more attuned to the realities of rape, femicide, and female health. As a result, the flaws of patriarchal government and social institutions have become increasingly apparent. In her article, Joseph wrote that in Western history, a woman’s value was entrapped in a relationship with a man.
This narrative has shifted into an era where society can begin to question these inherently asymmetrical heteronormative roles, and decide whether we should still abide by their social laws. With women no longer requiring a male counterpart to guarantee their basic needs, singleness is a more viable option. However, it is time we start questioning male hegemony instead of blaming women for their lack of a partner.
Anastassia Haidash, U4 Arts, explained her position on boyfriend embarrassment.
“I don’t necessarily find it embarrassing in itself to have a nice, caring boyfriend, but I find it embarrassing how we’ve kind of come to let ourselves be more disrespected and taken advantage of in terms of these, like, situationships.”
Vanessa Hellsten, U0 Arts and Science, expressed a similar sentiment.
“[W]hen [women] […] pardon a lot of the man’s mistakes, […] you need to be able to hold them accountable, and yourself accountable.”
Women who are navigating McGill’s dating scene must contend with men’s shortcomings. As Hellsten points out, accountability is especially important in this context, to assure a nourishing reciprocal relationship rather than one sustained out of hegemonic expectations of heterosexual coupling.
However, without accountability, the rampant misogyny of the ‘male loneliness epidemic’—a patriarchally fabricated notion—continues to fuel the fire of ‘red pill ideology’ and incel culture. Specifically, in the ‘manosphere’—a network of online misogynist groups— men refer to women and feminist ideologies as the stem of male frustration.
Haidash further observes that embarrassment on campus may stem from the concern that a boyfriend may interfere with academic success.
“It definitely may seem more embarrassing at McGill to have a boyfriend, because […] for women, […] everyone here is so, so insanely devoted to their schooling and whatnot, and having a man get in the way of that is lame and awful.”
This observation about how having a boyfriend may become an obstacle to a woman’s success is what the manosphere demonizes. Women succeeding threatens the misogynist’s preferred gender hierarchy—one that depends on limiting female autonomy and achievement, and where simply being of the male sex can overtake that achievement.
These changing gender roles within heterosexual relationships underpin the true question British Vogue’s article is asking, or rather telling us. Women no longer need to, or should, be defined by their romantic male counterparts.
