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Album Reviews, Arts & Entertainment, Music

March music madness

by Katia Innes, Kevin Vogel on

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The month of March saw no shortage of music releases. Both Hozier and Weezer made their comebacks—one triumphant, the other less so—and Solange’s When I Get Home awed Country and R&B fans alike. The final two weeks of this tepid, rainy month have provided us with two more treasures: One from midwest-emo heroes of yore, American Football, and another from seventeen-year-old sensation, Billie Eilish.     

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish

Katia Innes, A&E Editor

Star rating: ★★★☆☆

I approached Billie Eilish’s newest album with a degree of hesitance before I had even listened—I found myself irritated by the goth seriousness of the homeschooled seventeen-year-old California native, who rose through the ranks of sad-girl playlists via a collection of SoundCloud singles. So, it was with great reticence that I listened to her album WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?, an ambitious debut that lulls listeners into Eilish’s cough syrup-sweet vision of Los Angeles.

Produced by Eilish’s older brother Finneas, WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP melds bass-heavy trap with light electro-pop; Eilish cackles and gasps between the opposing elements, grounding the album with her eerie vocals. WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP was inspired by Eilish’s recurring sleep paralysis and night terrors, a subject she references in the lead single “bury a friend.” Eilish’s lilting soprano urges listeners to “Step on the glass, staple your tongue / Bury a friend, try to wake up.” The effect is an unsettling portrait of female youth that rejects Ariana Grande-style #girlbossery and embraces the violent angst that is traditionally reserved for male artists.

Eilish’s youth is apparent in many of the tracks, a characteristic which is simultaneously the album’s biggest strength and biggest detriment. It is hard not to crack a smile when Eilish peels off her Invisalign in the opening track “!!!!!!!,” but she counters this earnestness with cringe-worthy lyrics that betray her immaturity. In “wish you were gay” her assertion that “If three’s a crowd and two was us, one slipped away” is delivered with such self-assurance of her own wisdom, but is genuinely quite confusing. The exhausted ennui that plagues the track “xanny” and unexpected ephebophilic turn in “bad guy” seem out of place. Despite these missteps and the occasionally repetitive melodies, it is refreshing to see a young female artist experiment with her lyricism and style. Following in the footsteps of Lorde’s Pure Heroine and Kate Bush’s The Kick Inside, WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP is a welcome debut that holds a great deal of promise for Eilish.

 

LP 3 by American Football 

Kevin Vogel, Staff Writer 

Rating: ★★★★☆

On March 22, the Illinois-based emo-indie rock band American Football released their third self-titled album, LP 3. Breaking up only three years after their formation in 1997, American Football took a 14-year long hiatus, performing together again in 2014. Their latest album touches on familiar themes of longing and remorse, yet sets itself apart with a pleasant mix of soft guitar riffs and the smooth, airy voice of lead singer-guitarist Mike Kinsella flowing from track-to-track.

While all of LP 3’s tracks easily hold on their own, “Uncomfortably Numb” (feat. Hayley Williams) deserves special praise. The song tells the story of a broken love and the role of parenting and healing in the aftermath of separation. Kinsella opens with a melancholic assessment of his life: “I can’t feel anything inside / I blamed my father in my youth / now as a father I blame the booze.” Williams joins in the second verse, breaking from the faster tempo style of Paramore to provide a consoling contrast to Kinsella’s sad-dad vibes. She echoes Kinsella’s lyrics, concluding by singing on her own, “I just want you home.” Treading unusual waters, Williams adds a beautiful layer to Kinsella’s sigh-singing.

In more classic American Football style, “Doom in Full Bloom” features a gentle opening trumpet solo by drummer Steve Lamos. Kinsella and backup singers then contribute a choir-like sound for the remaining seven minutes of the song, lamenting in a lonely contrition over lost love. While lyrically unremarkable, the song uses clever harmonies with vibraphones, vocals, and trumpets to produce a musically-rich but easy to listen to piece.

LP 3 gives something for American Football fans and regular listeners alike. Whether played for its moody ambiance or just for study music, American Football hasn’t lost its lustre after all these years.

McGill, News

5,244 donors raised $2.3 million in 24 hours for McGill

by Jacqueline Yao on

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On March 13, McGill raised almost $2.3 million for its fourth McGill24, a day-long annual fundraiser. The university received a total of 5,244 donations were received, which will go toward various initiatives including funding for student-led non-profits and the creation of scholarships. Since its inception in 2016, McGill24 takes place every year on the first Wednesday after reading week and is the largest fundraiser for any Canadian university.

McGill24 is a primarily digital campaign organized by the University Advancement department which reaches potential donors through social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. To encourage fundraising, some donors, like the Macdonald Faculty Advisory Board, agreed to commit thousands of dollars once a certain number of donations were made. The Faculties of Medicine and Management each received over $200,000 in additional donations after reaching their respective donation targets. Gabrielle Korn, managing director of the McGill Alumni Association, believes that donations with prerequisites and the concept of a 24-hour fundraiser are important strategies for seeking philanthropic support.

“The way things get funded [at McGill] is, in large part, by government funding,” Korn said. “Philanthropy is the added value that makes McGill really be able to go above and beyond. McGill24 is a chance for McGillians to be proud of their own institution and [to] give back to McGill itself.”

McGill24 also matched funds to amplify donations. Donors like the Board of Governors and the McGill Alumni Association offered to match the donations of up to $1,000 for current students and recent graduates under the age of 35. Additionally, online donations made through Seeds of Change, a McGill crowdfunding platform that supports several athletic teams and other student initiatives, are also eligible for fund-matching. Funds are ideally matched dollar for dollar; however, since only some donors allow their support to go toward any McGill cause, there are limited matching funds.

“We would like for [donation matching] to be to a one to one as much as possible, but we didn’t quite anticipate the outpouring of student success this year, which is fantastic,” Korn said. “Our team is processing the over 5,000 donations so we don’t know fully how much money is eligible to be matched.”

Opportutoring, a student-led non-profit that provides online English lessons for refugees, is one of over 30 active Seeds of Change campaigns. Amir McGettrick, vice-president sponsorship of Opportutoring, helped to raise $3,200 for their initiative. As a team member, McGettrick also led the McGill Men’s Baseball Seeds of Change campaign last year, raising over $50,000.

“We targeted the big donors who we knew were going to donate large sums on McGill24 given the matching component, but we also reached out to family, friends, alumni [and] our previous co-directors,” McGettrick said. “That’s the thing with crowdfunding. Everyone needs to be on board because if it is just one person [seeking out donations], it’s not really going to work out.”

McGill24 was inspired by successful one-day fundraising campaigns at many prominent American universities including Columbia Univesity, Cornell University, and University of California-Berkeley. Annual Giving Associate Katherine Hales manages Seeds of Change campaigns and has seen greater student involvement in McGill fundraising events this year.

“With Seeds of Change, we had more than double the number of projects [this year] than we had last year,” Hales said. “The really exciting thing is that we didn’t have to go out [and advertise the Seeds of Change platform]. [Students] all came to us. There is a boost of publicity [for Seeds of Change campaigns] that comes from McGill24 and students now know that they can benefit from this [fundraising] platform.”

McGill, News, Private

Environmentalism takes on gas and Guinness at Board-Student Forum

by Andras Nemeth on

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Representatives from groups, associations, and organizations across the McGill community presented their initiatives to the 2019 McGill Board of Governors (BoG) Board-Student Forum on Feb. 28. Moderated by BoG Senate Representative Edith Zorychta, the event included information sessions led by members of Divest McGill, the First Peoples’ House, the Black Students’ Network, various subsets of the BoG, the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU), and the Post-Graduate Students’ Society (PGSS).

McGill Frosh approval ratings on the rise

Engineering Undergraduate Society (EUS) Vice-President (VP) Internal Affairs and Head Frosh Coordinator Laurent Chenet spoke on behalf of Frosh activities, highlighting their changing character at McGill. He cited the increasing percentage of students who rated their Frosh experience as ‘very good’ or ‘excellent’ in annual Frosh exit surveys as evidence of an improved culture.

“[Every year], we put out a survey after frosh to [ask] ‘how did we do?’” Chenet said. “In 2011-2012, we were around 26 per cent. People were not having a good time because Frosh then was a very alcohol-centric event [….] We have undergone a massive culture change since then [….] We’re now at 76 per cent [approval].”

According to Chenet, the rapid improvement in feedback is a result of coordinators working to improve the safety and inclusivity of Frosh-related events.

“In 2012, [the culture] was dismal, […and] there were some pretty awful things being done at Frosh because it was just the fun party time,” Chenet said. “In our training for leaders, staff, [and] coordinators, we’ve taken into account that there are those sensitive topics [like sexual assault], and equity is now at the forefront of every event [….] Again, [Frosh is] not perfect, and I don’t know if it will be in the next few years, but it is improving drastically.”

CAMSR to present divestment report in December

Cynthia Price Verreault, chair of the BoG Committee to Advise on Matters of Social Responsibility (CAMSR), discussed the committee’s ongoing research into divestment from fossil fuels following the McGill Senate’s endorsement of the idea in September. The final report, scheduled for a presentation to the BoG in Dec. 2019, will include consultations from a variety of stakeholders.

“We have heard from representatives of Senate, representatives of the investment committee, the office of investments, representatives of student associations, members of the Board who requested to speak to us, representatives of Divest McGill, and experts from external organizations,” Price Verreault said.

According to Price Verreault, CAMSR has made substantial changes to its procedures in the process of its investigation. In particular, the committee has implemented online feedback forms and published the names of individuals consulted in the present investigation. These modifications come after allegations that CAMSR’s previous reports on divestment were not transparent.

“When I joined this committee, it […] had two meetings a year, and we’ve far surpassed that,” Price Verreault said. “We’ve already set dates for further consultations and meetings in order to address [divestment] with the seriousness it deserves [….] One of the things that was brought to our attention was the transparency and communications of the efforts being made by the committee, [and] we’re working [on] that.”

OAP seeks to improve sustainability track record

McGill Open Air Pub (OAP) Head Managers Malcolm McClintlock and Lynn Hein delivered a presentation on the history and future of the event. According to McClintlock and Hein, the organization’s priorities going forward include making the event more sustainable and inclusive while also expanding its scope.

“Because of the size of OAP, we have a huge impact in a number of ways,” McClintlock said. “Most notably, [in terms of] sustainability, we can improve in many, many ways. We are looking to partner up with the Sustainability and Planning Office because when you’re selling thousands of drinks and burgers, you really should try to focus on the [margins of improvement]. We’re also starting to work with the McGill Alumni Association. Most notably, they’ve been using our name for about four years now across different cities and areas to [attract] alumni.”

Student Life

In the Neighbourhood: Little Burgundy edition

by Sophia White on

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Little Burgundy is located in the Sud-Ouest borough of Montreal bordered by Griffintown, Pointe-Saint-Charles, and Saint-Henri. The area was once highly-industrial, and has since undergone several phases of gentrification. Little Burgundy now offers a mix of upscale restaurants and cafés, upscale antique stores, and boutiques. In the first installment of the “In the Neighbourhood” series, The McGill Tribune has compiled a list of suggestions for an excursion in Little Burgundy.

EAT

September Surf Café

Catch a break from Montreal’s winter weather and stop by September Surf Café, a minimalist, hip coffee shop that radiates coastal vibes. Founded by surf-enthusiasts eager to express their passion for the sport, the café is adjoined by a workshop dedicated to crafting boards. Diners can order from a selection of coffee, pastries, and light fare. With the recent edition of a bar, September Surf Café is also a great spot to unwind and grab a drink.

Patrice Pâtissier

This fresh, modern bakery serves gourmet pastries, coffee, and a variety of more substantial meal options for a sit-down late breakfast or lunch. Some of the locals’ favourites at Patrice Pâtissier include the banana bread, homemade scones, and the Breton cake kouign-amann. With such a widely-appealing selection, it is hard to go wrong at this top-rated dessert spot.

Liverpool House

Sister restaurant to Joe Beef and, more famously, Barack Obama and Justin Trudeau’s date-night spot Liverpool House is located in the heart of Little Burgundy. The restaurant is known for its oyster bar as well as its flavourful and eclectic shareable dishes. Liverpool House is a top-notch destination for fine dining with fewer lines that you might find down the street at Joe Beef.

SEE

L’Arsenal

This open-concept art exhibition space was recently converted from a 19th-century shipyard. L’Arsenal hosts a permanent collection of contemporary art, temporary exhibits, and a program called TD Cultural Tuesdays — a series of experimental events designed to encourage a dialogue between artists and audience members. Véronique Duplain’s Selfie Project, which consists of a series of creative photos that the artist took every day throughout the month of February, is currently on display.

Lachine Canal

Lachine is a popular tourist attraction, offering a scenic getaway from the busy city lifestyle to the serene waters of the canal. It stretches 14.5 kilometres from Old Port to Lake Saint-Louis, and there are plenty of parks, architectural sites, and skyline views to explore along the way. This spot is perfect for a midday break to walk or take a bike ride along the canal, or, once the weather gets a little warmer, kayak or canoe along the waterway.

St. Irenaeus Church

The historic church’s towering green domes are impossible to miss from the streets of Little Burgundy, and its interior architecture is equally stunning. Located a block away from the Lionel-Groulx metro station, St. Irenaeus is a must-see destination for architecture enthusiasts and history buffs alike.

DO

Stroll around Atwater Market

The year-round market buzzes with some of the best grocers, boulangeries, florists, and food stands in the city. Stop by Atwater to browse the selection of locally-produced food, people-watch, and chat with local shoppers.

Shop at Rowntree Antiques

Little Burgundy is known for its offbeat vintage stores, and Rowntree Antiques is one of the most popular. Rowntree sells unique European home decor and is a perfect stop for window shopping.

Catch a show at the Corona Theatre

The Corona Theatre has been a cultural hotspot in Little Burgundy since its opening, and it stands as one of the best concert venues in Montreal. The theatre was built in 1912 for silent films and has retained its vintage movie theatre ambiance. It is most popular for its concerts but also hosts occasional film screenings and burlesque performances.

Science & Technology

Absurd science names and where they come from

by Morgan Sweeney on

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The naming of scientific discoveries can seem, at times, both absurd and random. For example, shmoos, the mating protrusions of yeast, are so named because they look like a 1970s cartoon character. Meanwhile, dominant male elephant seals are called beachmasters and Somniosus microcephalus, the Latin name for the Greenland Shark, literally translates to ‘sleepy small brain.’ Biology is also responsible for some of science’s most excessively dull names like ‘levator palpebrae superioris alaeque nasi,’ which means lifter of both the upper lip and of the wing of the nose.

Most of the time when someone discovers something new, they are free to choose any name so long as it fits within the structure of naming in the field. Some fields, like chemistry, have an official organization (such as the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry, or IUPAC) that has final say on the formal names of discoveries. Other fields, like ecology, use a more systematic system. The binomial nomenclature, created by the botanist and zoologist Carl Linnaeus in the 1700s, gives each organism a distinct two-part name consisting of a genus and a species; which, for the less creative scientist, can be the same as in the case of Gorilla gorilla. Typically, the organism’s formal name is written in Latin. Some scientists use this rule to humourous effect.

In 2010, the ecologist Dennis Desjardin and his team called their newly-discovered fungus Spongiforma squarepantsii, in homage to the beloved cartoon character Spongebob Squarepants. In 1977, Arnold Menke named a newfound species of wasp Aha ha. The Australian ecologist David McAlpine named a type of fly This and hung up a poster on his office door with an illustration of the fly that said “Look at This!”

Sometimes, the same phenomena are given different names, illustrating how subjective the naming process is. In the late 1990s, a University of Texas Southwestern research team studying obesity discovered a new neurotransmitter and named it orexin, after the Greek word for appetite. At the same time, a team at Harvard found the same neurotransmitter in the hypothalamus and named it hypocretin because it resembled secretin, another hormone. Since they found it at the same time, there is no clear consensus over who deserves naming rights, and it is still referred to as orexin/hypocretin.

While scientists often use Latin in biology, Greek serves as inspiration for some chemists. Sir William Ramsay, a Scottish chemist in the late 1800s, used Greek words to name the noble gases he discovered. Xenon comes from ξένος (‘stranger’), or krypton from κρυπτός (‘hidden’), and neon from νέος (‘new’).

Physicists have also been known to partake in whimsical naming with terms like ‘spaghettification,’ which refers to the phenomenon wherein matter elongates as it draws near to a black hole. Plenty of marketing went into naming physics discoveries in the late 20th century. The God Particle, the Big Bang, and even dark matter were all re-namings of previous discoveries, marketed to keep funding flowing and members of the field on their toes. Sometimes, the birth of creative scientific terms can be unintentional: A simple misspelling of ‘shift’ led to the creation of the ‘chemical shit’ scale in chemistry.

In every field, proposed names must first be peer reviewed by the scientific community before being published. Nonetheless, there is plenty of room for creativity, and scientists have even approved names that draw on popular culture like Han solo, a trilobite, and Dracorex hogwartsia, a dinosaur. Knowing that these amusing names exist makes studying Transcription Factor II A that much more bland. But, to all the bored biochemistry students staring out of the window of Schulich, just remember: When you discover a molecule, you can name it something fun.

McGill, News

Student activists hang ‘Change the Name’ banner from the roof of Leacock

by Nina Russell on

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A group of approximately thirty McGill students gathered on the Leacock Pavillion on March 27 to watch an unknown individual unfurl a banner from the roof with the words ‘Change the Name.’ The banner hung for about 20 minutes, after which two members of McGill Security Services personnel removed it.

Students hung the banner weeks before Principal and Vice-Chancellor Suzanne Fortier is expected to make a decision as to whether to change the McGill men’s varsity team name. Fortier decided to delay her decision until April following a report from the Working Group on Principles on Renaming and Commemoration, which sought to provide steps for engaging in the renaming process.

Campus security cited the danger the banner might pose to those standing nearby as their reason for taking it down.

“Security Services personnel removed the banner from the Leacock Building on March 27 as a matter of standard practice; we did not receive a request to do so,” Associate Director of Campus Public Safety (Security Services) Christopher Carson wrote in an email to The McGill Tribune. “Whenever our agents become aware of a banner hung from a campus building, gate, tree etc., they remove it. Banners can be a public safety issue. Sandbags used to hold banners in place, for example, can endanger the people below. The message displayed on a banner is not a factor in such decisions.”

Co-Chair of the Indigenous Students Alliance (ISA) Vanessa Racine described Security’s removal of the banner as hypocritical due to their failure to take precautions while taking it down.

“What surprised me the most was how dangerously they took it down and seeing one of the pieces of the banner break on the floor as they carelessly dropped it,” Racine wrote in an email to the Tribune. “It was funny, really, to see security take it down in a somewhat unsafe manner.”

Racine also felt that, by removing the banner so quickly, security failed to show solidarity with Indigenous students.  

“Change the Name is a movement brought forth by Indigenous students, and taking down the banner so quickly kind of shows silencing of not just Indigenous voices, but also student voices,” Racine wrote. “I don’t believe that security thought that they were going up to the roof so they could silence voices, but they should have thought of those implications before taking it down so quickly. I don’t think it would have been a problem if it was up for a little longer.”

In addition to the banner drop, Indigenous student activists and their allies have enacted a number of other campaigns to pressure the administration to change the name, such as the ‘Vote No’ to Athletics Facility Improvement Fee. The fee failed with 58 per cent of voters voting no. SSMU Indigenous Affairs Commissioner and the founder of the ‘Change the Name’ campaign Tomas Jirousek spoke to the importance of continuing to challenge the administration with respect to important issues like this one.

“The Principal will be releasing her decision sometime in the coming weeks, and [the banner] certainly brings it back to the forefront in the minds of a lot of students,” Jirousek said. “It also shows that students are still paying attention to the issue. It’s not as if Indigenous students and our allies are meekly waiting for the decision, but we continue to engage with the discussion and continue to critically engage with the administration.”

Co-Chair of the ISA Ella Martindale remains hopeful that the administration will ensure that Fortier takes Indigenous voices into consideration when she makes her final decision.

“At this point I’m optimistic,” Martindale said. “I like to think the best of people, and [now that] she’s had 3 months of her own time to think about this decision, do her research, and think about Indigenous folks, [she will] comes to the right conclusion, which is to change the name.”

Montreal, News

Climate March organizers reflect on the future of climate activism

by Nina Russell on

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In an attempt to utilize the momentum generated by the worldwide march for climate justice on March 15, the organizer of the Montreal contingent, La Planète s’invite à l’Université (LPSU), will hold two more marches in April and September. Additionally, LPSU representatives met with Quebec Minister of Environment Benoit Charette on March 22 to discuss climate change policy.  

“Essentially, the meeting today was a lot of empty promises as usual,” SSMU Sustainability Commissioner Alison Gu said. “We expected everything that they said, but they also told us that they were going to approve the Gazoduq pipeline […] which is going to transport liquified natural gas (LNG). The fact is that if we set up more infrastructure to be burning fossil fuels, which is what natural gas is, it’s purported to be [a] cleaner alternative to coal or oil. But, at the end of the day, a lot of the processes that you have to extract and transport LNG are the same or worse than current oil processes.”

Montreal’s protest was one of the largest of the 2,000 marches that took place across the world that day, with 1500 McGill students in attendance. Organizers at McGill began preparing for the demonstration three-and-a-half weeks beforehand. According to Christina Lau, who handled communications for the march, the demonstration was successful due to the dedication of its participants despite a tight time constraint.

“I definitely think [the march’s success was] because everyone in our group was so passionate and so hardworking,” Lau said. “Each of us was going to three or four meetings a week […] for hours to make sure everything was exactly how we wanted it to turn out. Montreal had the biggest march in North America, and I feel like that really speaks to how far we’re willing to go to get [action on climate change], and I think that, especially with the next few [marches] coming up, we will be able to prove to McGill how much students want to protect our planet and [see] concrete action.”

Juan Pablo Arellano, U2 Science, who acted as a point of communication between McGill security, the SPVM, and McGill’s climate demonstration, hopes that the results of the upcoming federal election in October will reflect the momentum of the protests.

“I want to do the best that we can to elect representatives that are aligned with our views and who are pro-climate mitigation, pro-sustainability, and anti-climate change,” Arellano said. “[I want to elect] someone who will try to shift policy to make Quebec more sustainable, more self-reliant, and less fossil-fuel dependent. ”

The impact of climate change on Indigenous communities was an important theme at the demonstration. Alex Allard-Gray, a McGill alumnus and member of the Listuguj Mi’gmaq First Nation, elaborated on how the government can mitigate the impact on Indigenous communities.

“I think the [government needs to make] policies that protect the environment and protect Indigenous lands from being the site of environmental abuse,” Gray in an interview with The McGill Tribune. “Our culture has already been assaulted in so many ways, as we can see in Canadian history, and this is just another way in which we are having our culture progressively taken away from us. We have to fight harder and harder to achieve what we [want].”

Joke, Laughing Matters

Title Club gives students titles of their choosing

by Calvin Trottier-Chi on

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The new Title Club joins 501 other student clubs registered with the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU). Students who attend one of their Executive Networking General Seminar meetings, which occur for 30 minutes on a daily basis, have the opportunity to come up with new titles to “DIY their own position.”

“We offer a tailored extracurricular experience that no other student club can provide,” Guiding Founder and Secretary General of Internal and External Managers Max Fischer said. “We believe in our members’ communication skills, leadership abilities, and results-driven, customer-centric synergy.”

When pressed on how the Title Club provides communication and leadership opportunities, members referred to the club’s 5,000 Facebook likes.

“Every member contributes to our readability by ‘liking’ posts, they are all our social media influencers and brand ambassadors,” Social Media Senior Strategist Victor Verbaler said. “We contribute as much to the average McGill student’s daily life as Building 21.”

The Title Club has faced organizational difficulties with new departments, but its members are confident they can still use the club to their advantage.

“I was only able to secure my internship because I had experience managing others,” Tommy Triharde, one of the club’s 30 vice-presidents, said. “I don’t get why people don’t spend five minutes of their day yelling out ideas and taking credit for them more often.”

Joke, Laughing Matters

Plumber’s Faucet alleges Suzanne Fortier is five owls in a trench coat

by Kate Addison on

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An article in The Plumber’s Faucet recently confirmed what McGill’s student body has long suspected: Principal and Vice-Chancellor Suzanne Fortier is not, in fact, a middle-aged woman with a passion for crystallography, but five owls stacked talon-to-beak in a medium-sized trench coat.

The allegations, brought forth in an article titled “10 Untold Truths about McGill University” by Steve Greenwood, a PhD student in the Arts Faculty, have ruffled feathers on campus. The piece not only alleges that the woman students affectionately call ‘Big Suze’ is actually a remarkably well-coordinated parliament of owls, but that these birds have turned the men’s varsity team mascot into a Horcrux.

Greenwood says he first became suspicious of Fortier when he overheard a faint hooting coming from her direction.

“When I discovered that she had 5 Horcruxes, I was suspicious,” Greenwood wrote in a message to The McGill Tribune. “A person really only needs one Horcrux.”

This fact led Greenwood to the conclusion that has rocked the McGill community: Fortier does not have one for herself, but rather each owl has its own Horcrux hidden somewhere on campus.

For those still unconvinced that Fortier is birds, observations of her behaviour back up this hypothesis. Eastern screech owls, Fortier’s suspected breed, are nocturnal and hide away in holes burrowed into the trunks of trees during the day, explaining why Fortier is only rarely sighted around campus.

Greenwood believes that her mannerisms are textbook owl behaviour.

“Fortier eats a higher-than-normal amount of worms and is always saying things like, ‘I’m actually five owls,’” Greenwood wrote.

One undergraduate student, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of repercussions in the way of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, stated that one evening, after returning from a particularly successful BdA outing, he and a few friends witnessed proof of Fortier’s true identity.

“It was messed up,” the student said. “Her head turned, like, all the way around, and she was looking at me with these crazy yellow eyes. I don’t know a ton about science [because] I’m an English major, but I do know that was no lady. It was just a bunch of owls.”

The news has led some to question whether five birds are enough to run one of the largest universities in Canada.

“Maybe it would be useful to bring in a sixth owl to help her out a bit,” Greenwood said.

Joke, Laughing Matters

I went to every single Montreal emergency room and this is a definitive list of them, ranked

by Nicholas Raffoul on

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According to the Health Ministry of Quebec, emergency room wait times in Montreal have increased from a median of 4.4 to 4.5 hours over the last year. With little hope that this number will decrease significantly over the next few years, The McGill Tribune has compiled a definitive list of the best and worst emergency rooms based on the following criteria: comfort of waiting area seats, availability of free snacks, free wifi, and waiting room aesthetics. Maximizing comfort and distractions from a horrible fall makes the excruciatingly long wait easier to bear. For the study, I visited each of the below emergency rooms and sat there for 48 hours.

Jewish General Hospital – ⅘

With high gray ceilings and only a 15-minute drive from McGill’s downtown campus, the Jewish General Hospital is a great option for your Blues-Pub-blackout-related needs. The cool atmosphere and somewhat comfy chairs distract you from your throbbing headache so successfully that you’ll forget why you’re even there in the first place!

St. Mary’s Hospital Centre – ⅖

St. Mary’s barely makes the cut—their waiting room is always cramped, does not have great refreshments, and has horrible carpeting. The subpar aesthetic makes for a strikingly painful wait when compounded with the pain of a protruding femur. It definitely doesn’t help that you’re sitting shoulder to shoulder with other patients.

Montreal’s Children Hospital – ⅘  

Although the Children’s Hospital was the most colourful of the bunch, the emergency room nurses didn’t appreciate a full-grown manchild walking in and demanding cherry cough syrup to treat their mono. The festive seating and plush toys really made the rejection a lot easier, though.

CHUM – ⅖

CHUM puts the CHUM in Chum bucket, due to its very long wait times and disappointing vending machine options. The nurses constantly deflected my concerns with a heavy Québécois accent, making it the most authentic Montreal emergency room experience. As the last emergency room I visited, they did not seem to care at all about the blood clot I had developed sitting on waiting room chairs for the last week.

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